Why does a narcissist blame you for their feelings?

[Caramelshortcake1]

For example why do I get punished by this person because I have made them feel inferior because I’m more comfortable looking nice? They don’t like the fact that I want to look nice going out. They say I’m looking for attention etc. They then feel jealous and threatened by my confidence and see it as a threat to them when it’s actually nothing to do with them why I want to look nice.

Does that make sense. Why do they have to use this as evidence that I’m bad and I’m wrong rather then see it as they are jealous because of their own insecurities. How I look has nothing to do with them. I’m not trying to make them feel something I’m trying to make myself feel happy. Jealousy is their issue..

The only question really is why are you still with them?

This. What are you getting out of living with a narcissist?

Because they’re a narcissist- that’s what they do.

Unless you want to live a life of complete misery run now

It’s a close family member not a partner fortunately. Just wondered why they are like this.

Well, that's what they thrive on - you spending time trying to work them out!

Work on you and your reaction to them instead.

(But FYI, it's because they have no sense of self so can only see themselves through the external evaluation of others)

I don’t have much contact anymore. I was just wondering.

Don't waste energy on the why. If they are a narcissist, the answer is 'bevause they are a narcissist'

Protect yourself, dial down your engagement, use the time for better things.

So does this meant they don’t see the feeling of jealousy as their own? They think I’ve done it to make them feel it on purpose?

Basically, a narcissist is an extremely damaged person.
Deep down, they have the most fragile self esteem you can imagine. They feel powerless and incapable of navigating their feelings , the outer world and relationships with other people.
This is all on a subconscious level.

Their main goal in life is to preserve what little self esteem they have.
This means inflating their ego to the outside, making it impenetrable for outsiders.
This means deflecting any kind of criticism. Their ego can't take a bruise because it would crumble, so they need to make everything someone elses problem. Deep down they feel so utterly unloveable, they can't imagine that anyone would still love them if they would admit to having faults. So they deny having any faults.

That also means that they attribute every emotion, their own of yours, to someone else.
If they feel bad, it's your fault.
If you feel bad, it's your own fault.

Reasoning with them is impossible. Not unless they're at a stage where they know they are damaged and ready to be accountable for how they react. This in itself is directly contradictory to narcissism, and highly unlikely, although there are exceptions.

The only thing you can do is keep them at a distance.

So basically make them feel good special and important constantly or you in trouble. That’s why I stay away because I couldn’t understand why it mattered to them how I wanted to dress or how I wanted my hair etc etc. I don’t hate myself or need others to tell me if I’m good or not I just do what I feel like. Me dying my hair blonde has nothing to do with the fact she doesn’t like herself.

Can someone tell me these people are they like this forever? Do they warm to you or is it a case of not forming any relationship ever with them?

Narcissist's don't change;it's a personality disorder.

A narcissist cannot afford to be introspective in any way, shape or form. Unconsciously, they perceive that their survival depends on this.

They will not change.

Ok. So my existence threatens them then. I’ve never really been a follower and have always done my own thing, travelled, lived alone studied. This Person is only meet a man very young, have kids and be an absolutely perfect mother but absolutely never ever ever stand out or mention anything good you do. She hates me and makes comments about me all the time, I never say anything about their choice in life it’s just not a choice for me and they hate that I am not like it.