Context: Married to DH for 11 years and have been together for 16 years. We've 1 DS who is nearly 9. Me and DS have a close bond and I have done the majority of care for him but DH does do more now he's older (gets him ready for school etc). I'm main bread winner and earn £30k more than him but money has never been an issue.
Issues in marriage. We have started couples counselling but I'm 99% certain I don't want to continue in the marriage. I'm dreaming of a life on my own with my son in our own house, co-parenting with DH.
Here are the issues briefly:
Behaviour and verbal abuse when very drunk. Ongoing yearly/twice a year incidents. Two bad incidents where he's punched walls (cut his fingers badly) and threatened to beat me. An awful one in August has led us to where we are now (living together and trying to be civil but no intimacy).
Calls me a fucking bitch/twat, tells me he hates me, just fuck off.
Hit/pushed me in bed when he thought I was asleep and was drunk. Claims to not remember these alcohol related incidents.
Feel like there's always something that's been missing. Not a total connection. I can smile and act normal but it's always 'there'.
Sexual attraction - there must have been something there in the early days but it's never been full on. I don't find him attractive even though he is a decent looking man and looks after his body.
Sex life has been forced for so long. Don't want to have sex with him. Steel myself up for it. Have generally been like this for 10 years. Only had sex twice on honeymoon.
He can't drive. Feel like I am relied on for everything. He's limited in what he does with DS. They rarely go out together and it's me suggesting it. He knows it bothers me but has never bothered learning to drive.
I take the lead in the running of the house - finances etc. I do everything. Feels like having another child not a partner.
Behaviour around DS - he has been physical with him a few times over the years (made me hate him when it's happened and had huge arguments. He has minimised the incidents) and the way he talks to him. Temper is nasty. Says this is down to tiredness and sexual frustration.
Has called me lazy and says I don't do much around the house (not true).
Narky to me and other people.
Not supportive - seems to resent me when I have success with something, e.g. running.
Recently revealed I make him miserable and feels I have manipulated him.
Even though that all makes him out to sound bloody awful, he's generally not. He is very generous and buys thoughtful gifts that he can't really afford. He's affectionate. He likes our family unit.
I'm wanting to end it but am worried about breaking up the family and I'm worried about this being a 'peri' reaction even though I don't think it is.
Sorry for the long post!! Any thoughts would be appreciated.