What would you do or think about this scenario?

[WhatIsThisTomFoolery24]

So my DH plays a team sport one evening a week, say Tuesday. Nothing "A" grade or even remotely. Purely social and fun. A large team, plenty of players and reserves.

Its my birthday, which so happens to fall on Tuesday, team sport night. Husband asked whether or not I would mind if he took me out for birthday dinner another night, so as to not miss his game. I said 'as a matter of fact I do mind' and was a bit miffed he couldn't (or didn't want to) take me out on my actual birthday.

Now, this part is really important, for context. A few weeks later, he receives an invitation to attend his EX SIL's 21st birthday, out of town. I have no problem with this, he's known this girl since she was a child. Anyway, he has eagerly, happily accepted this invitation, knowing he'll have to miss his game to travel for the party.

Am i right to be hurt he can prioritize an EX SIL he hasn't actually seen for 12 years, but he feels put out having to miss his game for my birthday?

I'm simply curious as to how others would see this, as I cannot trust my own judgement.

You’re in the right. I know my regular Thursday thing can’t always happen much as I’d like it to.

Yes you’re in the right. What or who is he so eager to do/see at the SIL do?

Surely you must have pointed out his hypocrisy?

playing devil's advocate, i guess if hers is more of an organised party then he cant do it on another day, whereas your birthday dinner can happen on any day.

Kids whose birthday falls on a school day accept that they may have to celebrate on the weekend so I'm pretty sure an adult can manage that too.

I used to celebrate birthdays, Valentines and anniversaries etc with my DP on whichever day the DCs were at their dad's house, so it rarely fell on the actual day. He would get irrationally upset if i couldn't be free for his special day though. Bit childish if you ask me.

However, there seems to be some resentment that your H is able to miss training for this young woman and not for you, so I'd be exploring that dynamic.

@Alalalala His ex WIFE invited him to this celebration. He loved the idea of swanning into this party, as he was a "surprise" guest - the birthday girl didn't even know he was coming! I actually told him how uncomfortable it made me, him prioritizing the EX wife and EX family, to drop everything and travel out of state on a whim. But he still went anyway.

@SnowflakeSmasher86 I kind of get what you are saying. But, those kids whose birthday falls on a school day - of course they would have to celebrate with their school mates on the weekend. But I am sure their family, mum, dad, siblings, grandparents etc, would still celebrate somehow on the actual day.. I don't think its completely out of line to celebrate on the actual day when the game you skip has many others players to replace you. Its not as though he'd be letting the team down by not playing.

But I appreciate your input and the difference in perspective.

Until you explained these circumstances of the invite i was very much of the opinion that you are being a complete princess over it all. As long as Ur maros your birthday, card, gift etc on the day i don't see why you have to celebrate on the day. As others have said that seems childish.
However clearly with the Ex there and the invite coming from the ex that changes the dynamics. I think the reality is you are still being a princess over your birthday situation, but clearly there is some insecurity that you have around his Ex and he should be more sensitive about that. Why would you not be going to the 22st with him anyhow?

That’s weird on all counts. Firstly that they’d invite him (without you presumably) and secondly that he’d go.

You say surprise guest but what a shite surprise for a 21 year old - “SURPRISE, your sisters ex fella is here!” How exciting

@Closetome 😆

I don’t necessarily think it’s that strange or unreasonable that he would want to go this girls 21st. So she’s his exs sister? If she’s only 21 I’m going to assume she was a kid when they were together and they were close? I don’t think you need to feel that weird about it if all else is good in your relationship.
I also do tend to think an organised party for a ‘big’ birthday is bit more of a big deal than a regular birthday that could be celebrated another day or even after he gets back? It takes a lot for my OH to miss football or a tennis fixture, but he’s generally home by 8:30/9pm ie enough time to have a takeaway and a few drinks or even go to the cinema.

A 21st birthday party that can't happen any other day is a bit different to going out for a meal that can happen at any time.

I would feel hurt OP, on both counts.

You're an adult - does it matter? He takes you out, so you're doing pretty well and the day of the week doesn't make any difference. He has a commitment on Tuesdays, and he should stick to it. I often don't even see my husband on my birthday, because we're both busy with our own stuff and that, to me, is very healthy for both of us.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest

I can't remember the last time I actually went out and celebrated my "birthday" on my birthday. Life gets in the way, or I'd rather go out on the weekend with DP and not have to worry about a hangover etc.

We'll obviously still do presents etc. on the day, but I wouldn't be bothered if DP had book club on and wouldn't expect her to rearrange it when we can just celebrate tomorrow.

An organised party is different in my opinion. Obviously that's not going to be rearranged based on your husbands availability, so his only option if he wants to go is to ditch his sportsball game.

Wow I really don’t like this guy. Ticking all the prick boxes at the moment!

Does he have children with the ex?

Do you have children together?

sticking my neck out but if the answer to second Q is no, I’d be doing some thinking about this person.

He loved the idea of swanning into this party
Who said he's going to 'Swan in'?
Him, or is this how you see him? Arrogant?