Decided to separate. Now what?

[clareblue6]

Dh and I have been married for 8y, together for 12. We have two kids, 6 and 3. Things have been shit for a long time and there are things that he needs to work on, and does for a few weeks and then it all slips back to like before and we fall out. I’ve had enough to be honest - I just want to be happy now.

We spoke yesterday and agreed to separate. DH was very upset and spent some of the day in the bedroom alone. Weirdly, I haven’t felt that upset - I guess I’ve had a long time to think about it? In the afternoon we went for a walk as a family and he acted almost normally. As soon as the kids were in bed it felt awkward. I put some tv on but it just felt weird and inappropriate.

We haven’t yet decided about logistics of one of us moving out etc.

What are the next steps? I’m really struggling with this horrible sad/awkward feeling.

You need to look at finances and children.do you have enough money for one of you to move out and the other to stay in house while you decide if it's permanent? Can move in with grandparents for a short while? If not have to work out now if you are doing 50:50 for children or if children will have a main home and visit the other. Start rationally and then try mediation and then go to lawyers

Have you had counselling and tried everything?

im only saying this because i thought i wanted to separate and be alone and we did a trial split. And in my heart of hearts it wasn’t what I wanted. I really thought I would feel free and happier

We have tried relationship counselling yes. It helped for a bit but the underlying issues pop up time and time again.

I suspect my DH is autistic which makes him quite hard to be in a relationship with. Our second child is also autistic.