New relationship

[newrelationship]

So I've been dating someone for about 8/9 weeks. Things are going well but we've yet to have sex.

We have had some heavy petting sessions etc and the sexual chemistry is definitely there. We are like 2 teenagers when we are alone.

How quickly should I be having sex. I'm new to the whole dating thing since it's been so long since I've been single. My last relationship started as a FWBs situation and before that I can't even remember how it happened.

I'm not a one night stand kinda girl (fell in love with FWB) my feelings definitely grow after sex. So I don't want to rush things, I would prefer that the sex meant something. But sexual frustration is a REAL thing. Part of me thinks just go for it when we next get together but my heart is telling me to wait. He's happy to wait until I'm ready, but how do you know if you're truly ready or if it's just a lust thing?

How old are you both ?

Go for it. What are you saving yourself for? Sex is a happy, healthy, life affirming, activity. Do it for yourself - you deserve a bloody good shag! Be safe and have fun.

We're 39 and 42!

I think I'm just waiting to see if the relationship is actually going anywhere.

I've only had 3 sexual partners and they were all in committed relationships. I just don't think I'm the kinda person that can sleep with just anyone. I want it to mean something and not just a quick satisfaction thing.

What are you concerned about? That if you ‘give up’ sex to him that you’ll lose your bargaining power to get a proper relationship?

If he likes you he’ll hang around. If he just wants sex then he’ll hang around and get that for as long as he wants then he’ll go and get it elsewhere. There is no right time. His desire for a relationship with/without the sex will not change depending on how long you make him wait.

The only thing that changes is whether you feel like he’s been a good boy and deserves his sex cookies for being patient.

If you want sex, have sex. If you’ve made it clear that you’re not JUST looking for sex (I think 8-9 weeks makes that pretty clear!) then he will know that you’d like to do other things as well as sex. If he leaves you straight afterwards he’s an idiot who has invested time and energy when he could easily have found someone to shag on night 1.

As an aside either of you are free to end the relationship at any point for any reason. If you have sex and he dumps you the next day because he didn’t enjoy it, or because he did and he’s happy with that as a final outcome, or because he gets another offer for this weekend, that’s all fine too. Sex is not a legally binding contract.

All you can do is be open and honest and hope that he does too.

You should be having sex when YOU want to and when YOU feel ready.

That could be the first date or that could be your wedding night.

Its your decision and choice.

When it feels right, you might even want to just try talking about it with him. You may get a sense of what he is feeling about it all too.

@Anonjock1980 Your post sounds iffy mate, especially as you've done the same on another thread.

This is the absolutely correct answer.