Hi all,
My relationship is struggling at the moment. Don't think it's either one of our faults, just life, personal struggles and the challenges of having a toddler. I'm hoping that we'll be able to stick it out and for it to get better, but I'm wondering what could help and if this is to be expected considering the last few years. To give you some background, my partner (41) and I (36) met a few years ago, I fell pregnant very quickly when we had been together for six months. I was and still am very grateful for this, but it was a difficult pregnancy, lots of sickness and it brought up a lot of childhood issues for me around loss. I became very anxious throughout and I was quite low in mood for some of it.
I had thought it was going to be one of the happiest times of my life, but in reality I was really scared that I would lose him or something would go wrong. I lost my grandmother who was like a mum to me aged 6, so think this has something to do with it.
This culminated in a very traumatic birth. I had eclampsia and collapsed at home on my own with seizures. Luckily I had called my mum before it happened and I was taken straight to hosp. Our son was fine, but my BP would not go down and they kept me in. This hosp stay was even more traumatising as I was convinced I was going to die and leave my son. Enter more childhood issues being triggered. My partner was good, but I don't think he understood how to even start handling all of this. Because of all of this, I was very very anxious with my DS for around the first 18 months.
DS also had some what could have been some quite serious health issues for around 6 months last year, all while my DP's step father was very ill and passed away earlier this year. Both of these things affected us greatly.
We are both exhausted from working and looking after our DS, who has just turned 2. He goes to bed late, as he is dropping his nap, so we don't get any time to sit and talk during the week. We rarely get any alone time together, as our parents take our DS while we work, so we feel it's too much to ask to have him overnight as well.
Our relationship is difficult as a result and we snap at each other, take things out on each other and I feel really detached from him at the moment. I sometimes feel as though I am pushing him away and hyper fixating on issues rather than the good things about us.
I also feel as though we are struggling against a lot of very heavy things having happened over the last few years, without a solid grounding to manage it all with. As we weren't together for years before we had our DS, who we absolutely adore btw. He is a joy.
I guess I am wondering if anyone else has been in similar boat or could offer any advice.
Thanks x