5 years after separation and 2 years since divorce I'm still finding things emotional and difficult. I feel I should have got over it by now and everyone thinks I have, but I'm currently having to re instruct solicitors with regards to enforcement of a consent order and I just wish it was all over so I can be completely NC with my ex. I know I'll never be completely free of him as we have adult DC and so there will be events in the future where I will have to face him. I dread this but accept it and will not make it awkward for the sake of DC.
EX-H has taken youngest DD and her BF away with his new partner. It's a place we used to go together but he has told his GF that he visited there for work, not with me. DD knows this is a lie but is now caught up in the pretence.
It's all kicked off as he has called his GF MY NAME twice and she is upset, crying on DDs shoulder. They are arguing all the time and DD is trying to act as mediator. EX-H has lied to this woman about having a 3yo child (with another woman (the reason for our divorce), he is vaping in their bathroom but saying it's DD because his GF doesn't like him vaping, making arrangements to go to sports events with DDs BF and his GF is shouting at him that he shouldn't be making plans without asking her, has told DD not to say that he's paid for them because his GF won't like it... it's all very familiar behaviour to me.
DD is phoning me constantly as she's embarrassed, it's awkward for her and her BF. I feel it's non of my business and am not surprised and don't want to know. I find it very painful as it brings back memories of how awful things were for me. I have some sympathy for this woman as I know what he's like and clearly hasn't changed but also privately think she sounds to be a bit of a nightmare too (although if he's gaslighting her like this I'm not surprised.) He will be making her out to be unstable. But it's not my problem anymore!
I don't want to upset DD any further by saying she shouldn't have gone or should have known what to expect (but I think this). I feel angry that he's getting DD and BF involved in his lies and still getting away with it, no one ever stands up to him or calls him out.
So I listen to DD and make sympathetic noises but I'm raging inside and its stirring up all sorts of emotions that I thought I had put aside from the trauma he put me through. i had nightmares last night. My anxiety is ramping up. How do I put distance between myself and them coming to me about problems with their dad without making myself sound petty or unreasonable? Of course I want my DC to always feel they can tell me anything but equally I need to look after my own MH and don't need to hear the ins and outs of EX-H relationships.
For transparency I have a new life, a DP, and moved 2 hours away from our previous home so I didn't have to run into my ex and to get away from constant reminders.