What does being in a Toxic relationship mean to you? How do you know if you are in one?

[WhatIsThisTomFoolery24]

As the title says, really.

What does a toxic relationship look like to you? How do you define it.

Having got out of one not too long ago it is not being able to actually say why you love them. You just do. Aka you are not in a loving relationship but trauma bonded.

When someone has no concern or empathy for your emotional wellbeing.

When someone repeatedly lies distorting your reality.

When a partner gives you the silent treatment rather than talk to you.

When you spend each day not sure what version of them you are going to get.

When they have contempt for you.

Your nervous system is all out of whack.

Blowing hot and cold
Feeling confused
Not knowing where you stand

You open your eyes are think is this healthy? If unsure and a friend said it what would you suggest they do?

People can do manage being single it is perfectly normal

Confusion, uncertainty, helplessness, resentment, self-doubt and despair.

All of this. Plus.

When you're confused a lot of the time.

When you feel guilty when you know objectively you haven't done anything wrong.

When you're constantly trying to fix things but there's no clear idea about what the end result should look like (so always being set up to fail).

Never able to relax because of all the eggshells under your feet.

Walking on egg shells around them.
Ignoring you and giving you the silent treatment for days.
Flying off the handle for the slightest thing.
Being on edge.

I can tell my DH anything. He'll react nicely.

Whether it's a complaint about him, news I've scraped the car, telling him dinner is something he's not keen on, Xmas was expensive this year, I love him, I've bought him tickets to his fave band, his mum just called and wants a favour, one of the kids has nits ... Anything, no matter what, I can share and the rug won't get pulled from under me / the day won't go to shit.

No worries about his reactions.

If you have to ask then you probably are.

To me toxic involves both people.
A severe personality clash that results in low level abusive name calling and petty revenge type behaviors. Score keeping hurtful actions, you did XYZ so I did ABC.

Asking if your relationship is toxic or abusive is a sign.

If you're both arguing or constantly putting each other down. Bit like a constant spat with a sibling you don't get on with. When you're both happy that something bad happened to the other one and bring it up all of the time. That's a toxic relationship. A healthy one is when you both.respect each other and never intentially upset the other. You want nothing but the best for each other and help each other out.

Spot on. Might be the only diagnosis you need TBH.

For me, it’s when your words get twisted and you go round in circles. You feel that whatever you say it will be wrong somehow, so you end up afraid to say anything, and nothing gets resolved.

I dislike the term "toxic relationship" because it just means a bad or dysfunctional relationship. Could be anything.

When you're talking about living with abuse, this quote sums it up. If your relationship causes you to feel anxious and second-guess yourself, it isn't supporting you, lifting you up and enhancing your life. Therefore it's a bad relationship for you.

Why do you ask?

Exactly this… if this isn’t happening then it’s not healthy.

Toxic for me would count as threats to cheat, threats to leave, threats to hurt, threats to publicly attempt to embarrass you, dodging accountability, not being able to find resolutions to things, not being able to raise anything and feeling you have to always go along with what the other wants, lack of reciprocal respect and care etc.

I don’t think this is really true. Relationships can be bad or dysfunctional because of basic incompatibility - one person is much more social than the other, one person is a workaholic, your sex life isn’t gelling due to differing drives, or you both struggle to communicate well.

A toxic relationship involves one person or both people actively undermining the other through ignorance, self-centredness, poor relationship skills or models or lack of willingness to be accountable.

Abusive relationships are ones in which one party knowingly undermines the other and attempts to exert control over them so they can have their way.

They don't hear you.
You are not their priority.

Research, find out what healthy feels and looks like

thise that need to are able to identify fraudulent money by knowing the authentic version well.

Having only been in a decades long toxic relationship, i had no idea, until i learned what healthy is.

We need to know what healthy is as toxic comes in many forms