Waiting for a proposal..

[Dogmum091]

Been with DP for almost 5.5 years. We have came out of a difficult 18 months with our relationship but a lot of our issues were driven by my issues with my family. I did end things with him during this period and then pretty much changed my mind instantly, which obviously broke his trust and security. Things have settled down and we have been doing well since January. We have been talking about getting married, we always have talked about it tbh and he knows it's something I really want/care about. How long would you wait to be engaged in this situation? I feel like everyone around me is getting engaged to people they've been with for 2 years or so and it's making me think he might be stringing me along and it'll never happen.

I wouldn't wait -- why should he have all the power in this situation? Tell him you want to be married by x age and that you won't have kids with him before marriage, if relevant.

I’d talk about it with him as I would any other major life decision that would affect us both. I wouldn’t wait on a proposal, I’m not a Victorian damsel.

It sounds like you’re still trying to get back on track after your split, you may have some trust to rebuild. So you need time to let things settle, to be open and honest with each other and talk it all through calmly and kindly. But don’t hang around like you don’t have an equal say. Marriage isn’t something that a man bestows on a grateful woman following a period of appropriately good girlfriend behaviour.

I wouldn’t wait at all unless you are very young (early/mid twenties). I’ve known lots of women in your situation in their late twenties/thirties and all that has happened is the relationship has limped on for a few more months/years before breaking up and him immediately marrying/impregnating his next girlfriend. It is not always true obviously but usually if you’ve been with him for three plus years and he hasn’t made it clear you are the one… it’s because you’re not. Move on and find someone who thinks you are before it’s too late to have a family (if that’s what you want). There will be someone much better out there for you.