Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I’m really just wanting some advice as I don’t know what else to do. I have been with my partner 10 years, married for 6. We have 2 children together. I noticed quite quickly into our relationship that our libidos did not match. He is very much laid back and comfortable and could go weeks without sex. I am the opposite. Over the years I have tried every approach - talking, nagging, changed my appearance, stopped trying, made more effort. I have sobbed and pleaded and temporarily left in the past hoping he would get that “wake up call”. He will “change” for a day or 2 then the cycle repeats. We have sex on average once or twice per month which isn’t enough for me. We typically have sex after I’ve mentioned we aren’t having sex again. There are no dates, plans, thought, he forgets anniversary’s. I have experienced so much rejection that it has impacted on my self esteem massively.
During our marriage, we separated for a year, he said he realised he was no longer in love with me which I already knew deep down. We split amicably. We co parented our children very well and we have always been amazing friends. I eventually moved on, and he suddenly wanted me back when he found out. I’ll add that when I moved on, I dated around a bit and I felt so happy, wanted, desired and sexy for the first time in many years. Sex was passionate and exciting and I stopped associating sex with rejection.
My husband began pursuing me again and became overly affectionate, loving, attentive, sexual, everything I ever wanted. I took him back. Things quickly went back to the norm and we have found ourselves in the same monthly cycles. It breaks my heart every time and I have emotionally checked out, but I feel so guilty as this time it would be MY choice to leave. I am still young (late 20s) and constantly question “is this it? For the rest of my life”. He is the most amazing dad, and partner in every other way. But sexually and romantically it is just not there. We are amazing friends. I know I will break his heart if I choose to leave, but I know this isn’t fair on either of us.
Has anyone else been in this situation? What helped? Did you leave, or stay? Do you regret that decision. I love my husband, but I also love myself too and I can’t keep living in this emotional turmoil. Deep down I know the answer to my own question and I feel like I am losing my mind.