Ex husband moved on? Still wants me back?

[JofoXX]

Hi all,

I really some advice and to maybe see this through others perspectives mybhusband and I had twins in December, it's been a rough ride! I lost my Dad in May, we began to kind of distance ourselves and we broke up numerous times.

This time, 5 weeks ago he chose to leave me, it's usually me telling him to go. I found out after 2 weeks he had met someone else. He says that this isn't serious and she isn't his girlfriend.

He hasn't seen her now for a week we had a few conversations this week where he's said he missed me loves me but doesnt know what he wants anynore. I love him so much but I'm so hurt.

He sees the boys 2x a week at my house and has them for a few hours on a Saturday. He came last night and we slept together. Silly I know, what does it mean when they say they don't know what they want?! I'm so confused. Is my marriage really over?

oh dear it’s all very confusing and a mess for you. Have you considered couples counselling? Get to the bottom of how you both feel and get some tips for connecting and communicating better? X

No, I don't think that's something we want to do. He says he wishes we could work but doesnt think we can keep going around in circles. I'm absolutely heartbroken as this is the first time he's instigated a break up, he used to be the one begging to try again. I just need clarification and can't seem to get that. Hes so unsure. Surely that speaks volumes?

I’m not surprised he has walked away if he doesn’t know where he stands. You need to fix the reason that you keep ending it. And if that’s unfixable then it needs to be over before it turns toxic!

Is my marriage really over?

That should be for you to decide.

As much as men very rarely leave without having someone else at the very least lined up, you have had a lot to cope with. But he's the one who has upped and gone and done whatever he did with his not very serious non girlfriend; and you were the one left at home with the babies, wondering about the state of your marriage.

Not knowing what he wants anymore is shorthand for you'll do until the next one, hence what you did on Saturday night. He doesn't sound mature enough for a serious relationship let alone children.

Life is too short but also too long to put up with this kind of uncertainty. Start putting yourself and your babies first, make the decisions you want to make, don't put him at the forefront of your mind, you're not at the forefront of his.

Thanks everyone, really helpful to hear others opinions. I would fight to the bitter death to save us, surely he would too if that's what he really wanted..I just don't know what to think or how to think anymore

In my experience if you keep ending it and going back, it's just over. You're now just waiting for someone to be brave enough to stay away. What youre feeling now is the horror of the show being on the other foot and your ego isn't liking the rejection. You've clearly used dumping him as a weapon and now he's turned the gun on you. He shouldn't be living his life constantly "begging to get back", no wonder he's finally backed out the door. Before you go begging, make sure it's what you want and if you do take him back, stop dumping him repeatedly.

It isn't like that. The times I've told him to leave is because he would go on drink binges. When the babies werw born he did this three times and didn't come bavk for days, also whilst my dad was dying and I couldn't be with him as I had baby twins to look after. I never used this as a weapon

If he goes on drink binges for days, that is not a minor detail. It puts everything you said into a different light.

OP you are setting the bar of this relationship extremely low. The last thing you need is another baby on top of twins.

This relationship sounds very unhealthy. He is an immature selfish drunk who pops in and out of your lives when he can be bothered.
You are vulnerable wishing for him suddenly to come to his senses , and putting up with him because he’s your kids dad and you want a happy ever after.
He is not and never will be your happy ever after , nightmare yes but happy no chance.

Stop playing games, stop sleeping with him and focus on improving yourself and your kids lives.
This man is not worth the miserable on off merry go round of a marriage.
Get some counselling and change your locks

Your father was dying and you couldn't be with him because your (ex?) husband was on a drinking binge leaving you alone to look after the babies?

Am I reading this right?

OP - get rid. Come on now.

I'm so sorry for what you have been through. Do your future self the biggest favour and get rid, once and for all, of this poor excuse for a husband. 💐