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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I want to share an epiphany I just had that made me smile

8 replies

Errors · 21/09/2024 18:33

After yet another failed relationship where I won’t bother with the details - but let’s just say that I didn’t want the whole loaf of bread. I’d have settled for a bit of crust rather than the very, very occasional breadcrumb I was getting…

I was starting to think that there was something wrong with me and that I seemed to need validation from my partner, like how I felt about myself was linked directly to how they felt about me. But I was wrong. It wasn’t that - it was that every time I put up with shitty behaviour, or a complete lack of any sort of affection, that it chipped away at my self esteem because of how I viewed myself.

When I told this one to get lost, and I got the “you’re so needy” speech. I didn’t even take it on board. He left, and I immediately got some of my self esteem back. I just stuck up for myself. And that feels good… no matter what the next few weeks or months entail. At least I know I have some respect for myself.

OP posts:
XChrome · 21/09/2024 18:36

Well done!

Runskiyoga · 21/09/2024 18:41

What a useful epiphany, thanks for sharing

AngelicKaty · 21/09/2024 18:42

Errors · 21/09/2024 18:33

After yet another failed relationship where I won’t bother with the details - but let’s just say that I didn’t want the whole loaf of bread. I’d have settled for a bit of crust rather than the very, very occasional breadcrumb I was getting…

I was starting to think that there was something wrong with me and that I seemed to need validation from my partner, like how I felt about myself was linked directly to how they felt about me. But I was wrong. It wasn’t that - it was that every time I put up with shitty behaviour, or a complete lack of any sort of affection, that it chipped away at my self esteem because of how I viewed myself.

When I told this one to get lost, and I got the “you’re so needy” speech. I didn’t even take it on board. He left, and I immediately got some of my self esteem back. I just stuck up for myself. And that feels good… no matter what the next few weeks or months entail. At least I know I have some respect for myself.

Yep, that's exactly how it works! If you can't have any respect for yourself, why would anyone else? Onwards and upwards OP to the respect you deserve and a happier future not putting up with anyone's BS. Good luck! 😀

Errors · 21/09/2024 18:44

Thanks all. I am finally coming to realise that I am not broken.

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 21/09/2024 18:53

You're not. And I'm not weird as my ex made me feel.

leafybrew · 21/09/2024 18:57

Yes - carry on and be stronger and true to yourself

Singleandproud · 21/09/2024 19:43

Stay single, invest in yourself, family, friends and pets. The male of the species is overrated

If you aren't used to doing things alone book yourself tickets to the theatre / cinema for tomorrow and go for it. Doing things independently snowballs.

Errors · 21/09/2024 20:35

Singleandproud · 21/09/2024 19:43

Stay single, invest in yourself, family, friends and pets. The male of the species is overrated

If you aren't used to doing things alone book yourself tickets to the theatre / cinema for tomorrow and go for it. Doing things independently snowballs.

Edited

Thanks for this. I actually do enjoy doing things on my own. And I do get the time to do it. Might even book myself a little city break somewhere

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