Had enough of life

[Cherryblossom200]

Hi all,

I'm struggling at the moment. Im a solo mum to a beautiful little girl, she 9. My DD's father left when I was pregnant, so I have been bringing her up alone. I'm really resilient and battled through, bought our own house and renovated it. We have a good life. But working full time and being a full time parent is hard.

I've been made redundant through Covid and this week I've been made redundant again. My client isn't renewing their contract with my company.

The settlement isn't too bad and should cover me for around 5 months. But I'm just so tired of life and what it throws at me.

I'm continually having to pick myself up and put one foot in front of the other.

I have wonderful family and super supportive friends. They are always there for me. But ultimately the responsibility falls in my hands to provide the life we have.

I didn't like my job so I wanted to leave, but I wanted to leave on my terms.

I only found out about the redundancy this week, and I've found this weekend tough. I'm not really present for my DD, and I feel so very sad for her. I'm feeling so low that I barely say anything.

No ones life is perfect, but I look at my friends and they haven't had anyway near the rubbish thrown at them that I have.

Coupled with my dad's ill health it's all taking its tole.

I've been trying to work out how to get out of this cycle of sh*t. I've contemplated moving to somewhere more remote where I can live mortgage free. But then I wouldn't know anyone.

I've always been had a positive mental attitude towards situations, but I can honestly say I've had enough. Literally I cannot go on anymore. There's a point where you have to realise that life is always going to be a pile of crap why go on. I've just reached a point where I can't keep picking myself up anymore. I have no more fight left in me.

😟

@whichwayisup she's knackered, cut her some slack. No one has the monopoly on misery. Op feels how she feels. We all have rubbish days where we compound everything that's going on in our lives, add a topping of exhaustion and a sprinkle of hormones and it feels utterly desperate. Thank heavens it's not as bad for her as it could be.🙄

Look, I'm sorry, but what you are describing is just life. We're all working hard, or at least most of us are but we've all got shit to deal with and tbh, from the sounds of it, you have a lot less than a lot of people.

I've not met anyone with the easy life unfortunately. It's up and it's down and it's a lot of hard work just to keep things on track. If you are waiting for the perfect life with no issues, you've a long wait.

But yip, I can see I'm being a pain in the arse so sorry, we can all feel just fed up with it all and having a parent with Alzheimer's is hard. I get it. Hope this week gets your head in a better place.

Please give yourself a month to make some adjustment. When you get some things life throws at you and you need time to adjust I call that situational depression. You aren't
depressed on a long-term basis but because life threw something different at you. Give yourself time to plan your next steps.

Thank everyone ❤️

I'm afraid it doesn't get any easier, I may have a lovely home, daughter and family. But doing it all on your own is incredibly hard.

X

Well to top it off I found out recently that one of my breasts is much larger than the other and sits higher. It's quite painful. I have implants which were put in 20 years ago. So I'm hoping that they need to be changed. But my GP has put me in the 2 week cancer pathway for a mammogram to rule anything out.

I honestly didn't think my luck could any worse. If I do have cancer then I have no idea how I would cope.

You’ve done fantastic, you bought your Dd a home and you’ve shown her what resilience looks like. It’s shit and life is really not fair sometimes. But remember that there are times in your Dd’s life when things are going to get tough and she’ll remember that you threw your hands up with frustration and then you got you game face on and dealt with it.

You’ve had tough times before and you got through it, you are exactly the kind of person who will overcome her obstacles, you’ve already done it. I’m not saying this to make you feel better I’m saying this because you have a track record of dealing with stuff and getting on.

It's scary, but no reason to think the worst.

I think you should probably speak to your gp about how you're feeling.

It's perfectly understandable to feel gutted about the redundancy and scared about a health issue, but maybe you are depressed as well.

Thanks I've googled all scenarios of breast cancer and now I've convinced myself I have it.

I know the statistics but I still think I have it. Why else would my boob blow up so quickly 😢

Infection, blocked duct, problem with your implant, all sorts of things.

Googling isn't going to help health anxiety.

Do something nice for yourself today and talk to someone in real life about what's going on for you.

I'm having a private mammogram tomorrow. I'm beyond petrified. I couldn't wait for my nhs appointment on Monday. I literally would have gone insane waiting over the weekend.

Logic tells me it's my implant which has a rupture, it's 22 years old and done well! But then I'm thinking worse case scenarios and leaving my daughter with no parent 😢

I don't know who I will get through tonight and tomorrow.

Sending you best wishes @Cherryblossom200 and I’ll be thinking of you on Monday. Logic does indeed say it’s your implant so try to keep your focus on that. I know it’s hard not to let your mind wander but do try to breathe and not let those thoughts in xxx

@Cherryblossom200 good luck with your mammogram.Keep checking in here.This is a really tough time for you but head down and slog through and it will pass.Plesse speak to your doctor because you do sound low.You can be depressed because tough things happen or you can be depressed and things feel more tough than they are and you feel you can't cope .A mild dose of antidepressants everyday is a life saver to me and helps me manage what life throws at us.@whichwayisup I'm not sure if your advice was a pep talk to 'snap' op out of it but check your bedside manner as she is obviously really struggling and you don't get to dictate how she is coping or how she should feel.Telling people they should feel lucky as people are far worse off just makes them feel even worse about themselves.

Thanks everyone, just keeping myself busy but a ball of anxiety 😥

Wanted to say I've been reading your thread and you sound like an inspiration. You've achieved so much more than me. I'm glad you got to speak to the support line.
Hope today goes ok 💐

Fingers crossed 🤞 it's an implant issue.

It's an implant issue, one is leaking 😛 so ai need it taken out which is fine. Just such a relief! Thanks everyone for your support xx

With respect, you do sound a little depressed. That constant tearfulness is a sure sign.

Your stress tank is full and is overflowing. I would really encourage you to see your GP, they may recommend tools to help with your resilience or refer you for counselling.

I'm not depressed, I get situational anxiety and stress. I general I deal with things very well.

But I was overwhelmed by too many things going on.

I'm now happy and ready to take on my next challenge to find a great job!!

I'm seeing this as a new start 😊

Please don’t panic at the ‘2 week’ alarm bell going off.
The first time it went off for me I went to pieces don’t think I slept.
I am now old friends with it, I call it being in the VIP for an MOT lane.
(And every time it’s rung it’s been a false alarm!)
I think your dad’s illness is possibly what is distressing you more than anything, OP.
I am sorry you are feeling upset. Not sure how old you are but spoke to a younger friend of mine recently and she said she has whole time after she hit 40 when everything went wrong one thing after another.
I agreed so please don’t think you are on your own.
Before you think about the future, get your own health sorted and spend some time with your DD your lovely family and friends.
It will give you some perspective and comfort. Talk to your family don’t worry about burdening them. They would hate to hear you say that, I’m sure.
You are entitled to feel sad and overwhelmed.
And if you need a bit of inspo read Matt Haig’s ‘Reasons To Stay Alive’ which someone gave to me after my bad patch of luck turned to a field full of patches. I found it really helpful.
Being around others, doing things you enjoy, are a real balm.
You have got this far on your talent, resources and hard work. There are many good years, good times and good jobs to go.

Thank you so much for your lovely words 🥰❤️🙏

I now see the world differently. It's taught me some life lessons and I will cherish every single second of every day.

A job is a job, my health family and friends are so much more important.