Last in the priority list

[PriorityLast]

I've been with my partner for a couple of years now. We "romantically" got engaged quickly and then he postponed the wedding as we're trying to buy a house.

At the moment I feel at the bottom of the priority list. I've barely seen him this month and it isn't going to change until next month. At one point I could talk to him about it but I've already said I don't like it and whilst he agreed he said it was all circumstance. He's right a lot of it is. But some of it isn't and his free time he's chosen to see family, friends, colleagues and watch sport over seeing me properly. Again, all reasonable things but all together just make me feel like shit, like I don't matter as much as Bill at work.

I feel really "dropped". It's plaguing my thoughts. I'd like that to stop. What should I do. My life is highly stressful at the moment and I feel really unsupported. Like I've been dumped when I just need someone to have my back.

Go out and live your life. Never wait around for anyone to treat you like you’re one of their last priorities.

It really depends why! If its hes working a lot, he still has to see his family and friends. Im sure hes seen you too. Its also ok for him to do /watch sport If he hasn't seen you at all then that's a problem. But sounds perfectly normal to me

Pressed send too early. Why arent you also doing your own thing and enjoying life?

She said she is.

Also, you can enjoy your own things and still spend quality time together. He’s just not doing that.

You feel last on his priority list because you are. He wants a convenient girlfriend for occasional sex, etc., while effectively living life as a single man. He's not ready for a mature, adult relationship. I wouldn't waste any more time on him.

@Ratatoueethank you for your kind message ❤️ I am pretty awesome 😁

@Maddy70 I am still living life. Part of the issues are the fact of work for us both. I'm not bothered around that. It's cancelling me to hang out with friends he's already seen that week. Feels a bit crap to me.

What happened about postponing the wedding? Sounds like that was his decision rather than a joint one.

It is sounding like he's thinking he's got you reserved like an Argos item now so he can sit back, make less effort and do things he prefers.

If you have a lot going on it sounds like he's avoiding you until it's over.

Don't marry an emotionally unavailable man. You're self esteem will fall through the floor.

Get rid of this bozo. Get yourself some therapy and life your life to the fullest.

Be Less Available.

Have say 3-4 weeks where you are suddenly very busy. Do not be available for the 15 minute scraps.

See what happens. Does he notice? Does he miss you? Does he make sure he is there after you’ve been out, or for the 15 min gap in your busy schedule? Does he try to start scheduling time with you, the way you have with him? Or does he just happily carry on seeing his mates and not really see the issue…

he's thinking he's got you reserved like an Argos item

bang on

I really like the Argos analogy. That's exactly how it feels.

@minipie that's the thing. This has happened in the past and he questioned my commitment 🤦‍♀️

Sorry to say OP I think he’s fading you out and thinks maybe you will call time first. He can give all the excuses he likes but what he is doing is avoiding seeing you.

Don’t accept any more snatched hours here and there. If he can’t commit a whole evening to you, don’t see him. If he can’t commit a whole weekend day and evening to you, don’t see him at all that day. If he cares he will start making time for you. Book up all your weekends and evenings and starting saying ‘I can’t I’m busy’. You’ll soon find out.

Seeing colleagues outside of work instead of his fiancé? It’s a no from me.

Take the power back OP.

💐

He might have questioned your commitment either to manipulate you or because he really doesn't get it. And it might actually be a good thing that he questions your commitment. Because why would you be committed to someone who doesn't prioritize you?

As I said earlier, I had the same with my boyfriend. I told him if he wants a FWB, because that's what the dynamic of our relationship felt like, than that's not for me. And when he couldn't commit to spending Christmas Day with me and was kind of "if all plans fall we'll spend time together", I booked a trip and went away for the Holidays.

He seems to be taking you for granted. Canceling plans with you shows that he doesn't value you or your time. And that's not ok. Don't accept breadcrumbs cause that'll be all you get for the rest of your life. I had that in my first marriage and never again.

If he was serious about you, he would be trying to maximise his time spent with you.

Yes - it’s important to maintain friendships and family relationships but not to the detriment of your relationship with your life partner. If he’s cancelling arrangements with you to see friends he’s already seen, then the logical conclusion is that he prefers spending time with them to spending time with you. Even if he can crash at yours after, that’s booty call territory. He should want to spend other types of quality time with you.

This sounds like a relationship which has run its course. The early engagement means nothing really. That’s just being carried away with the early romance. Sorry you’re in this position, OP. It must be very hurtful and disappointing.