How to help relationship

[Nnnne]

Since having our kids it’s slowly fizzled. Eldest is 2y10m, youngest is 9m. Things picked up after DC1 but truly did fizzle after our 2nd

we don’t have alone time, we haven’t had sex for a bit (but I’ve been breast feeding and had no sex drive so this ties into it) we don’t really give affections

hes always been difficult with that but yeah we don’t really hug or kiss etc. we bicker and I feel like we’ve lost us a bit

is it the end of the relationship/too far done?
or can we fix things

we Feel a bit roommate like rather than in a relationship

I have thought would it be better just to end it ? But I’d rather work and try to fix things than throw everything awah

Any advice please xx

I am in the exact same boat so I'm following x

And I mean exact same boat , breastfeeding etc. I could of wrote this x

It’s hard isn’t it? Hes made comments about lack of sex but I have 0 sex drive, my hormones are completely zapped it feels I’ve not had a period too since before pregnancy and I am just so touched out

sex is the last thing on my
mind

Is he doing enough of the parenting and household management or are you carrying too much of the load? Some adjustments there may help.

Otherwise: when you’re breastfeeding and parenting tiny children, it’s easy to feel touched out. Sex just becomes another chore and your partner’s need for attention also just feels like another chore. What you’re feeling is quite common.

All that said, you loved him enough to decide to create a family with him. Assuming he is overall a good partner and father, you owe it to yourself, him, your relationship and your children to nurture your relationship a bit.

This is where occasional maintenance sex - or at least some sexual intimacy - can be helpful to maintain the connection between you. Yes, it’s a bit of a chore but it’s also an investment in your relationship.

You shouldn’t have sex you absolutely don’t want but, when I was at your stage of parenting, I found that I could enjoy sex when we had it even if I didn’t have much of a drive for it beforehand. We didn’t have loads of sex but probably once a week or once every 10 days or so.

There will come a time when you are less consumed by parenting and have more time for each other. You don’t want to find that you have lost the ability to relate to each other as partners.

Work on it. Then you will find out if it can be saved or not x

It is very normal to lose interest in sex when fatigued, run off your feet, and breast feeding. I think that connecting through affection may help you though...a hug or a kiss is a bonding action after all. Your youngest is only 9 months old. Your sex drive will return once the fatigue of having such young, demanding (all night long!) babies wears off. Give each other some slack here and pull together as a partnership to share the work, show affection, and maintain your relationship. This feeling won't last forever. 🌷

@Nnnne yes I know x my sex drive is non existent it's horrible I feel guilty as still so attracted to him!!! But just would rather sleep when given the chance x