Am I wrong to be getting this attitude about family who don’t visit us?

[Caramelshortcake1]

I’ve realised that certain family expect you to visit but never visit themselves. I don’t want this to be one of those oh my Mother in law threads but they are guilty of this. As are a couple of others.

I’ll use them as an example but I realised that in the years we’ve been living together his parents have visited us without being specifically asked for a birthday zero times. We on the other hand have gone there so many. Both drive and in lates 50’s and no health issues. We have a child and she is 2 and they have never come to see or play with her. They may text give her a hug from me but won’t make the effort to come and visit. We live 10 mins drive away.

I have now come to the conclusion that I’m not going to continue to update them or visit because I’m going to match their energy. This applies to others who don’t bother also. Am I being a selfish brat?

My in-laws used to take it a step further, they never ever visited us. We only saw them when we made the effort to visit them, but when we arrived I would be totally ignored and they would take the piss out of DH and call him a ghost/vision as they said WE didn’t ever visit them! All in past tense as we just don’t bother seeing them now. Energy matched and it’s been years!
You either have to accept people like that or match their energy. But prepare yourself that you might not see them again after that because they are what they are.

We have family like this and I have matched their energy and now we only see them when absolutely necessary as it was all one way traffic.

You haven't said whether you offer casual invitations. Only that you invite them to events. Maybe your BIL contacts then and invites them round for a cuppa.

I very rarely invite myself to my DDs' homes. They're busy people and I don't want to intrude (and don't want to get knocked back if I phone and ask). So I wait to be invited.

It's a tightrope bring the parent of adults.

It’s a two-way street, though. OP says the GPs don’t extend invitations either. She’s been inviting, and has been rebuffed.

Honestly they know they can come whenever. His grandparents visit, they always drop a msg first but it’s always ok to see us. They know, they just don’t want to come over, they aren’t interested in spending time and making memories with the gc. My friends parents are always asking to take the gc out places for day trips etc. It was my eldest daughter’s birthday and we were in all day apart from walking to the shop down the road. We hadn’t seen them by this point so partner dropped a msg to say we’ll be gone 45 mins and guess what they drove over and put the present under the car and left. Then said sorry they had planned to only come at that time precisely because they had to pick up something for the guttering. It just sounds like an excuse.