Relationship with mother

[grandplan]

I have a strained relationship with my mum. It's got to the point where we don't talk anymore and I'm so sad.

I was having a conversation with her the other day and said sometimes I feel like I work constantly and would like a break sometimes. We have primary aged twins and I work full time.

I wasn't criticising her at all but she flipped saying she was busy too and couldn't help. She told me to get a smaller house if I couldn't cope with what I had on my plate.

Our mortgage has doubled over the last two years. The cost of living has also increased. I've been through lockdown and had zero help with childcare during the early years as childcare was so expensive.

I'm just being civil with her now. I don't know what to say to her.

It's usually my hormones that are blamed for stuff.

She's promised to help me with house decor for ages but hasn't.

I guess that's nice of her, and she shouldn't make offers she can't or won't follow through.

But again it makes me wonder where the men are.

It sounds like she felt you were having a dig at her for not helping you by looking after your kids. Maybe you caught her at a bad moment when she's feeling tired or stressed from caring for her own mum?

Your children will grow up and become less dependent, and you will have less stress. She is looking after her mum who will only become more dependent, so her responsibilities will increase and she will have more stress. As she herself is getting older. Try putting yourself in her shoes