We are in our early 30s, and were together for two years / lived together. I noticed various incompatibilities especially towards the end but he kept insisting we were going through a bad patch and should work through it. He wanted me to have his children right up until the end and was fixated on talking about when we should do this (even when I kept saying it wasn’t right for me at that point in the time; he wanted a timeline).
We disagreed on where to live (we were living together at his place and had always agreed he would move in with me in a rental a few miles away once I’d moved jobs - this was all in the same city). Once I’d got the job he said I needed to be patient and stay with him in his small flat, which was inconvenient for us both to live in and far from my support network and also near his parents (who I liked but who he often used as a reason why we couldn’t live further away).
in arguments he told me to fuck off, said I brought nothing to the table (despite out earning him and cooking him dinner almost every night as he couldn’t cook) and also mocked me when I was crying in an argument once.
when I defended myself by saying the behaviour was emotionally abusive and I felt a bit trapped and controlled not being able to move out from his flat as originally agreed, he said he couldn’t get past those accusations.
we have since tried discussing it and it just falls on deaf ears - apparently I’m the problem.
im so exhausted and obviously we have broken up and I do feel a sense of relief as this was not my guy. However I gave the relationship everything and he seemed truly affronted when we split (I had been saying I wanted to for a while and then he did it in anger and came begging for me back the next day saying it was a mistake and he didn’t want to lose me). He said that I had told him I had wanted us to be together for a long time (almost like that meant I owed him a relationship?) which I had said in the early days - but surely he realised that this was dependent on his treatment of me and not an unconditional statement.
I missed a family bday of his (but bought very nice presents and sent apologies) because he was awful to me the morning of, and again he managed to twist that and say I did that to spite him.
please can someone help me recover because I feel broken and he just doesn’t see my point. He made me feel like I was the problem even when I don’t think I was. Apparently it was problematic I didn’t want to have his children in the near future and also didn’t want to live in his hometown with him (he saw my remarks about saying I didn’t want this as offensive and ungrateful).