Is this dodgy

[Kittykatastrophe]

I've been in a sort of relationship with a bloke for he past 3 years . When we met he's not long been single from his long term GF who he has 2 children with . We don't live together . We are 2 hours driving distance from each other . I have a child , we visit and stay at his house and go away together etc and everyone seems to get on.
His ex wasn't happy when they split and used the children as a weapon , threatening to stop access if he didn't get back together with her etc.
First year we were together I was kept a secret until the ex found out and absolutely went crazy , started being a total AH and bringing the children into it .
2 years ago he became really distant and I checked his phone (not clever I know!)
. There were messages between them containing visits down memory lane etc and she was saying stuff about still getting goosebumps when she thinks about him to which he replied with a heart emoji 🙄
I told him what I'd seen and he didn't see a problem with what I'd read .
After all this time she's still trying to get him back .
I think he's crossing lines and making her think she's still got a chance . He says he's "amicable" for the benefit of the children . If that's the case why is she still so intent on getting him back?

Intentionally or night I think he's keeping her interested does anyone else agree ?

Yeah, sounds that way.

He hasn't made it crystal clear that it's over.

And after three years, he's just a 'sort of a relationship'.

You can do better than this. Move on.

I get that his ex has very challenging behaviour, but he needs to have a very clear line around that. Even more so because of her behaviour, any inclination he gives to here heart emojis included are going to act as indicators to her there is still a chance. Especially if he is indulging her reminiscing, even if he has no feelings for her. It is not fair in you or her. You need to challenge him with what you have seen and demand he is open with you about the conversations with his ex. Any resistance to that, plan your exit

Be careful, my ex H told his new partner (before he told me he was leaving me), that we had split ages ago and only lived together for financial reasons. This went on for a couple of months before he told me he wanted to separate.

People lie, he was most convincing to me and probably her. Also he was seeing someone else quickly into their supposed monogamous relationship.

no idea what is happening for you, but it’s not great he’s putting love emojis after 3 years. Your DC deserves better and so do you.

good luck.

Yeah, I'd be cautious.
My ex had a very similar relationship with his ex and she was very volatile and would cause arguments over everything, also always seemed to keep going back to him and trying to get him back. Once I got pregnant everything was about keeping the peace because she would withhold contact with his eldest child. Apparently sleeping with her was also keeping the peace 🙄😅

Sounds to me like he’s keeping his options open.

Think you need to have a serious conversation with him where your relationship is going.

Has he done anything else to raise concern, heart emjoii could just be inocent way of pacifying his ex without creating anymore drama, loads of blokes just want an easy life and sounds like she has been an nightmare. Would he want to go back to that, is there anything else that would make you think he still has feelings for her?

Sadly the man is stuck between a rock and a hard place.

He shouldn't be going down memory lane with her - but I imagine if she's got it in her to withdraw access then he's probably just going along with it.

What he really needs to do is tell her there's no chance and to book mediation with her/or on his own, to discuss a child plan.

How else is he going to see his children if he doesn't? He's totally stuck isn't he? I'm not saying you should stick around for this though.