Lies, is it over.

[Lemonmelon1]

I've caught my husband out on yet another lie. He sees it as an insignificant one and doesn't understand the implications.
I sat him down a week ago and said he has to stop lying and start being honest and he promised he would.
Even when I caught him out tonight he tried to lie his way out of it until he couldn't.
Now he's tried to bring my illness into it and point the finger at that which I know is not the truth.
I feel totally taken advantage of and a massive mug.
Please what would you do?

so basically you don't think that your partner and his ex should allow THEIR child to have these things?

and you've found out that the child has them even though your partner has said they don't!

not your circus... not your monkeys

Op, fully take the blinders off. You do not want to waste your life on this loser. He has literally nothing to offer you. He's a compulsive liar and a shit father. As for you saying you love him, I call bullshit. You don't love this man. You want to love him, you wish you could love him, but what you feel right now isn't the type of love that healthy relationships are made of.

FFS, just walk away from this shit show.

Tbh that is pretty accurate I just can't admit it to myself

@distractmeagain no the kid having them at his mothers house is nothing to do with me.
Dh has lied about things surrounding them and then lied even more when caught out.

I'm not sure why you're with him if he's a liar and a shit father. Sounds like you can do a lot better!

You just did. Stop wasting your time.

He's just a compulsive liar and bullshitter

Walk away.

You know you can't live your life with someone like this.

My head knows this is the answer. My heart wants to always see the best in people.
Then there's the pride of another broken marriage. I was with my ex 17.5 years 😭

Yes, this. It’s really none of your business and as long they are being carefully watched while playing there’s really no real danger.

Yea I have to agree, this is the parents call. You can give an opinion but that's it

I get that it's the parents call and nothing to do with me. It's the continuous little lies. It's not just regarding sc there are other things too. Also it's not just me he's lying too.

Ah so sorry I’ve no time for that… and you shouldn’t either.

Love him? No. You’re here explaining what a nasty, dishonest little bullshitter he is, and a selfish shit who won’t look out for bi down child because it’s easier not to. You love that? Then the problem is you. Turn that sentence into something else -

‘Why am I letting myself get scammed by a nasty little bullshitter?’

There is a crossroads here. Either you will stay with this scumbag and you will have a slightly shit life, if you have kids with him you and they will have a really shit life, and it’s very likely you’ll get older and bitterly regret your choices.

Or you will SEE that he doesn’t love you, or his child - just himself. And you will realise that while you can’t possibly help his child (you have no agency there and never will, literally wasting your time) you CAN help yourself and your future children, and you will sack him off and choose a better partner and father.

Bi down = his own

Pride?

What's to be Proud about staying with an irresponsible liar??

Surely the pride would come from walking away from such a person?

Maybe pride is the wrong word.
Fear of failure maybe. Being perceived any others as stupid and a mug.

Op, read this one.
The guy has probably had bad experiences in his earlier life where he's been abused - probably mentally - unknowingly. Not saying it makes anything right but could have an underlying issue that could need therapy. Been screamed at for minor things when young has lasting effects.

I don't normally do sympathy.

@bazoom
He has had a shit upbringing where he's been made to feel so crap about himself.
I get that completely. He's the sort of person to hide from his issues and cover them with humour instead of facing up to them.
I do think he needs help. I've been here nearly 3 years trying to help him and begging him for honesty and openness with me.

If you have fundamentally disagreements on values, such as parenting then you and him will have constant arguments or he will lie to avoid the confrontation.

I understand your concerns over his child having access to SM but it has to be what him and Ex agree. You can't manage their parenting. Can you let it go? If not then you will have to acknowledge your values in regard to parenting are so far apart that you cant live with it.

Is it just his parenting decisions he tends to hide?

I understand it's down to them to decide and not me but they are poles apart from mine and it does impact my kids.
I can also see he doesn't bother to check on things or think for himself. He just goes along with people for an easy life. He never questions if things are right for his son. Like his son being allowed to see an ex s*x offender who's had images of kids etc!

He has lied about other things to. The biggest one being his health. He's lied to so many people about that one.

Like his son being allowed to see an ex sx offender who's had images of kids etc!*

There's no such thing as an ex sex offender, they don't retire ever. Did you report this to anyone?

@Dontbeme I don't know enough info to report. I've tried to google the person to see news stories but couldn't get anywhere. As far as I'm aware he was on the register but isn't now. He is married to a family member. The justification from the mother was that sc is never alone with them. But that still isn't right to me.