Friendship Issue

[Fluffymammoth]

I have a very odd dynamic going on now with two seperate friends and looking to see if anyone else has ever had this before and how they handled it, friend A and friend B have never socialised together, different friend groups etc however friend B has recently fallen out with a lot of her friends for various reasons but mostly being demanding of people to be available when she wants, I have learnt I guess to attend things when I can to avoid fall out but work full time, friend B does not work.

Friend B has always been critical of Friend A, has not shown any inclination to socialise with them and actively disliked them, recently I have noticed that when Friend B asks me to do something and I can not they then inform me that they have asked Friend B to do it with them instead, Friend A is not aware that in the past Friend B was not keen on them as they are quite insecure and I would not have hurt someones feelings so just did not suggest any joint meetings and met seperate.

I feel I am being played and Friend B does not actually want to socialise with Friend A but does it to this sounds ridiculous but for want of a better word "punish" me for being unavailable.

Do I back off from the friendship with Friend B? I am finding this is an odd dynamic, we have been friends for a long time but recently this is showing me a different more manipulative side to someone I considered a friend?

Friend B sounds really hard work. I’d go for a very low drama approach. If B is trying to annoy you by inviting A instead they’ll never admit to it, so you only end up looking crazy if you do show annoyance. Just say oh that’s a great idea, hope you both have a lovely time, hopefully I can join you next time.

Basically, act as if B was a normal sane human. So if you can’t go to something just say that. If they get upset or demanding, that’s on them. If they decide to blow up the friendship or stop asking you, fine. Don’t worry about how things might be perceived.

Do you actually feel jealous that A and B might be developing their own friendship?

I’ve not had a dynamic like this but I’ve had a very insecure friend who wanted more from the friendship than I could give and could be a bit hard to manage as a result. I cared about her a lot and didn’t want to lose the friendship so I just tried to hold clear boundaries of what I was able to do. Much easier said than done!

You are right that Friend B is actually hard work, I used to find myself reorganising things to make sure I could go to things she wanted me to. I dont feel jealous that they develop a friendship as I had tried to get them to socialise in the past and Friend B did not wish to, I feel more unsettled if thats the right word that I dont think Friend B is being kind to Friend A really and will criticise Friend A even though they have invited them along to something and Friend A thinks that Friend B genuinely likes them I suppose maybe its a side of Friend B I have not seen before and am now questioning in my head if this is the kind of thing that have made her previous friends distance themselves from her.

I think you are right and just treat it without drama and maybe just ignore it, rise above it and have some clear boundaries about what I can do

Do you actually want to sustain a friendship with B at all? She seems like hard work for little reward.

Forgot Friend B she sounds like she has 'issues'.

I would back off from friend B

Friend B sounds needy and hard work!! I had a friend like this and cut her off gears ago and never regretted it once!

friend A and friend B have never socialised together, different friend groups

if A & B are not friends with each other (which is how you started your post) then how does B know about A and how does A respond to some random stranger or acquaintance asking them to do things with them?

B sounds like hard work and not worth continuing the friendship with.

So not friends as in have never socialised together as such but know each other vaguely from the odd birthday etc I would have invited them both to and Friend A was surprised when Friend B reached out to ask them to things and I thought maybe Friend B had got over her dislike of Friend A but she is still being critical of her.