So myself and my dh have been together for 19 years and married for 3 of those.
We both worked dh worked as self employed whilst I had a full time job for the nhs. Dh has always been pretty lazy when it comes to working and would often only work a few jobs here and there then have long periods where he wouldn’t have any work at all. His always complained about working and said he doesn’t want to and at one point we tried him staying home and me going to work when my daughter was younger and needed school runs etc.. but I would come home from work and still cook and clean whilst he had been sat on his backside all day gaming. I eventually had enough and told him to get a job. He was in and out of different jobs all short lived and complaining that he hated each one.. this went on for years so I helped him get a full time job with family and everything was fine for around 11 years although he did still complain the entire time and was saying he wanted to quit…We was both working and doing ok, our relationship was great and we got married. He then decided once and for all he didn’t like it there anymore and said he wanted to leave. So he did and yet again we went back and forth with the in and out of work until he eventually ended up working back for my family about a year ago. I then become unwell and unable to work myself. I am pending surgery for my condition but until then I have extremely poor mobility and have fallen down the stairs on several occasions injuring myself further. Dh continued working but started to become resentful of me. And on one occasion ripped into me calling me a no good ponce because he was providing for the home and I wasn’t able to anymore. I felt so hurt by his comments and really unsupported by him and this almost tore us apart but I believe that you should try to work through your marriage rather than throw in the towel at the first hurdle, so we worked through it. I can’t say I’ll ever forget his words but I forgive him anyway.. But I just felt like the one time I need him, he begrudges being there for me despite how many times I supported him over the years. But as I said we managed to get over it and things was good again, once I started to get some income of my own, which took the pressure off him. Then after a while he started to say he didn’t want to work anymore and was going to quit his job all together.. We had so many arguments as I would say we’re not in a position to both be out of work and I can’t support him and the home on the low income I receive alone. He would always chuck it back in my face, and tell me his doing more than I am so I can’t say anything to him and he can do wtf he likes.. Anyway recently he told me he had another job to start and I was all supportive of this,with the reassurance that it was full time work and weekly pay as it was with my family. He left his job and started his new one a few weeks back but the guy his working for is a joke! he barely gives him any work maybe one or two days a week and when he does he has to chase him for days to get paid. The guy says he hasn’t got any money and until the jobs finished the workers don’t get paid either which is ridiculous to me as he works for him not the customer and he is responsible for paying his staff. I said if his going to do that you may as well work for yourself again and get paid by your own customers receiving all the money not just a weekly wage as it defeats the object of being employed by someone.. so of course this has caused even more arguments between us. I told him we are starting to struggle now and asked if he can go back to his old job, but his refusing point blank and said his not going back as he hates it and doesn’t care what I think. And I’m not going to lie I am really starting to go off him with his attitude, I feel like I’m going through a really tough point in my life. I am in agony daily, I can barely walk and I am unable to work myself. I feel really low, I miss my colleagues and my work life and I am struggling to adjust to this as it is. I need his support more than ever and he is just not there for me. I feel like his being selfish and putting me into a position where I will be forced to have to return to work myself just to survive. However if I do that I will end up in a wheelchair as my condition was deteriorating whilst I was working hence why I was advised to stop until after surgery. I just feel like Ive married a complete lazy man, that doesn’t want to work or provide for the home. Am I being selfish? Should I expect him to go back to his job if he wants to stick with this one?