Flaky friends

[Floraltie]

Where do you make good friends? I tried Meetup years ago and found the people there just like to have a row with people about different political views or the women would drop their friends soon as they met a bloke.

Some of us used to go for walks etc but as soon as some of them met partners no-one meet as a group or does anything. I wished a woman happy birthday in the group chat earlier and others followed suit. She said we should all meet soon but quite a few of them read it and did not respond. This has happened multiple times where a few of them can’t be bothered and it makes you feel bad. I don’t see the point in bothering with people who would cut off their friends.

I don’t know where I can make genuine friends.

It’s really hard, and such a common pattern for people to disappear when they have a partner. I’ve even had friends who complain bitterly about this while they’re single and then disappear off the face of the earth themselves as soon as they meet someone. Incredibly annoying!

I myself am a flaky friend but I pride myself on being equally so regardless of relationship status!

I’ve found a couple of excellent people on bumble bff. My closest friends are siblings, uni friends, old work friends - all people I’ve known at least a decade. I do think it’s harder with new friends to get properly close, which makes it easier to be forgotten.

I’ve made good and very committed friends through girl guiding.

In general I find that I can maintain reliable friendships with individuals only. It’s too much effort to arrange group activities for more than 3 people because everyone is busy and yes most people are a bit flakey about replying. So I have a few people I phone pretty regularly, meet up with when possible (a few times a year, mostly), these friendships can survive new relationships or moving city or whatever. Then for the more regular socialising it’s bumble and shared interest groups and work. Most of those friendships wouldn’t survive me moving away and might not survive a new relationship. A few will become “real” friends who I talk to and see individually.

Is there a different Meetup group you can join?

I moved 6yrs ago to somewhere I didn't know. I did the predictable thing of going to an Adult Ed craft class and a woman there told me about a Meetup group. I'd never heard of it before.

Anyway, here I am now with the biggest circle of fabulous friends than I've ever had before. None are flakes, we're all supportive.

I think you've maybe just been unlucky. Don't give up, try another group. Good luck!