Contact with ex regarding child

[Lemonmelon1]

I'm just curious how often other main parents have contact from their exes regarding how the child is doing in school etc.
my ex has my children one night every week and every other weekend plus a bit extra during holidays. We do the same arrangement with my sc.
I don't routinely speak to my ex in between visits as I don't see there is much need. Anything interesting that's happened in the few days of not seeing the kids I catch him up on. If there is something really worrying or something really amazing then I drop him a quick text to keep him in the loop but that's about it.
My dh does the same with his ex and now she's making out he doesn't care enough about sc and should he in contact more often.

Just curious what others do?

She may feel so but I don't think there is anything wrong, I kept in touch with my ex daily but after she got in a serious relationship, I stopped and I got kids tablets and I call them directly. Avoid issues

My children were little 3 and 8 when we spilt up, myself and my ex maintained regular contact.. I'd probably say daily or every other day. we had a patch where the kids were telling me one story and then going to their dads and telling him a completely different story so we agreed to keep in touch to stop them trying to play us off against each other.

It helped in the fact that my ex and i did not hate each other, we were not constantly trying to point score and refused to bad mouth the other to the kids. We always remained friends, i admit that as the kids got older, and they saw less and less of their dad, then the contact also stopped.

i personally don't think it hurts to keep ontop of your kids needs, education and interests

I think it depends on whether he has direct contact with his kids school.

My ex and I don't really discuss school, he has access to the behavior apps, he gets all the emails same as I do so there is no need to be on constant contact.

Ge real day to day stuff we just update at handovers.

Absolute bare minimum, emergency type stuff.

If he needs information about school or DC’s schooling, he can contact the school. Same with clubs.
If he needs to know about the DC’s, talk to them and listen to their answers.

He is an adult, he needs to work out how he can be an active part of his children’s life, take responsibility and act on it. ( just like I do!)

Given both your ex and your husband have minimum involvement with their children, with basically 2 evenings a week and EOW maybe she'd like him to be more involved full-stop than he is?

She's right. He should be doing 50/50, he is as much a parent as the ex. I'm presuming since you said DH that the SC are not very young.

Edited to add, I'm so sorry, I did not mean to quote the OP.

I'm with @HanaLeigh . My ex is difficult and no matter what I do, it always produces the same results - difficult manipulative behaviour. So if he asks I answer but otherwise he is free to contact the school just the same as I am.

I don't think 50/50 is ideal for kids always having to move round etc. All are on the spectrum so need more stability.
Getting the school app is a good idea.
He does ask his dc every time we see them how things are etc.

She is saying he needs to do/care more. As a parent of 2 autistic DC it is bloody hard work. He could be doing much more to support DC and Mum, even if the DC need a base.

Same. My ex was abusive and used the kids to continue that abuse after we separated.

He expected updates every week at least from school, demanded I forward school emails, newsletters, reports etc. (Amongst other stuff, it really was incessant)

I ended up in tears in the head's office. She told me she would personally ensure he was added to all mailing lists and gave me her own email address to send to him to request this - she knew his type and told me that it was not my responsibility to keep him updated when he could request straight from school. One email and it would be sorted. Of course he never bothered, but it did empower me to say no more - here's a solution, up to you to sort out your parenting.

I did do the basic health stuff - but only the big stuff - broken arm etc. DD is 15 now and is undergoing treatment for a brain tumor - she specifically asked me not to mention it to her dad as he doesn't give a shit about anything but himself - she's got to that point all by herself.

I do think it's odd he hasn't been arsed to get the school app. It seems a bit disinterested and leaving the responsibility all to the mother. He ought to be attending parent evenings and their school events as well if he isn't.

No reason he needs to be discussing the children more regularly with the mum if he's seeing the children often.

But yeah, I think she has grounds to think he's a bit lacklustre as a parent if he's left all the school stuff to her.

Hi. I think the same as you. In the case my 13yo daughter doesn't want to see his dad on the days set in the court order, she messages him to let him know; but he gets angry and says that I should be the one telling him, not her - I avoid contact with him as much as possible due to his coercive controlling behaviour. The wants me to tell him, to then accuse me of parental alienation.