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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Bf messaged other women

21 replies

Alicew00 · 17/09/2024 19:02

I confronted my bf about accidentally knocking his phone and seeing he had messages from 4 different women. He was really calm about it and hugged me straight away saying they are just friends from his previous job which he left to start a new one last week. I could only see one which said they were watching a series with a kiss on the end. The 2 others had snapchat him. 2 of them are mother and daughter as I look on FB.

He kept saying he loves me and that I'm everything he needs and we will be together til the end. I said it just felt really awful for me because it brought back memories from the past (cheated on by ex's). We've been together 2 years and he hasn't wanted to move in yet either although he's starting to think about buying furniture for the house. I'm still feeling low about it

He is acting like everything ok but understands I'm paranoid because of my past. He still says no matter what I'm the only one.
I don't know what time think. I was paranoid going out with yesterday. Felt not good enough.

OP posts:
Webbymeister · 17/09/2024 19:04

He messages a mother and her daughter at the same time?
why would you stay with this man?

GutsyPoet · 17/09/2024 19:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Coz97 · 17/09/2024 19:11

It's hard to say whether it is something or if it isn't. However, I'd be wary of snapchat. Don't the messages and images disappear?

TequilaNights · 17/09/2024 19:13

Did he offer to let you see the messages?

Alicew00 · 17/09/2024 19:14

After the cheaters, and abusers I've been with I never thought this would happen with him. When I found them I instantly felt that gut feeling like I did back then

OP posts:
Alicew00 · 17/09/2024 19:15

TequilaNights · 17/09/2024 19:13

Did he offer to let you see the messages?

No he didn't at all

OP posts:
TipsyJoker · 17/09/2024 19:38

Alicew00 · 17/09/2024 19:15

No he didn't at all

Massive red flag Dump him. It’s the first thing he should’ve done but he didn’t because the messages would prove him guilty. Otherwise he’d have been desperate for you to read them. He’s a liar. He’s no good. Get rid of him. If he’s messaging other girls, he’s cheating and he doesn’t love or respect you. Perhaps you should consider doing the freedom programme and reading the book linked below since you say you’ve had abusive relationships in the past. It will help you spot red flags and stay away from cheating and abusive men.

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

Duckingella · 17/09/2024 19:44

Webbymeister · 17/09/2024 19:04

He messages a mother and her daughter at the same time?
why would you stay with this man?

Did Anne Marie write a song about him?

GutsyPoet · 17/09/2024 19:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Ohmycarrots · 17/09/2024 19:48

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

I agree with this.

Webbymeister · 17/09/2024 20:06

I dont know who Anne Marie is

GutsyPoet · 17/09/2024 20:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Ohwhatacircusitis · 17/09/2024 22:39

Is it just the women from his previous job he is exchanging messages with? Why not the guys as well?
What does he mean he loves you " no matter what" . That's a strange thing to say.
I would also be concerned that if he wanted to reassure you the best way would have been to show you the messages. But he didn't .
I think you are right to be worried.

Sage90 · 18/09/2024 11:31

Hi OP. I think you need to see the messages for yourself, otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy wondering what is true. For me, if he tells you he's now deleted them, or denies you access, it would be a red flag

NothingVenturedAndAllThat · 22/09/2024 19:17

How old is he? I ask because unless he's young, Snapchat is just weird anyway. None of the men I know who have Snapchat are on there for anything other than hitting on women. If my guy downloaded Snapchat I would be concerned.

Irritated1984 · 22/09/2024 19:20

Ask to read the messages. If he is innocent he will have no issue with this. If he refuses, your gut is correct.

Griff1963 · 22/09/2024 20:06

Go with your gut!

DaringFawn · 22/09/2024 20:10

To me personally the whole embracing you in for a hug telling you he loves you no matter what. You and him will be together forever is a red flag the fact he never offered to show u the messages even tho he knows your past is another red flag he's projecting the I love you so much to blind side. I've been in abusive and cheating relationships multiple times. The relationship I'm in now I question everything to the things he says and does. Ask to see the messages unless he's already deleted them. Just be cautious

UltraHorse · 22/09/2024 22:30

You are worth more than this I've been treated like this just open your eyes and meet a new guy

Notamum12345577 · 23/09/2024 04:40

Webbymeister · 17/09/2024 19:04

He messages a mother and her daughter at the same time?
why would you stay with this man?

But they could just be friendly messages from very recent former co workers? Doesn’t mean there is anything bad going on!

Webbymeister · 23/09/2024 07:34

Notamum12345577 · 23/09/2024 04:40

But they could just be friendly messages from very recent former co workers? Doesn’t mean there is anything bad going on!

Of course. Lots of mum daughter combos text me

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