Am I losing my mind?

[CantBelieveNaive]

Honestly not sure what is real any more.
I am 52, on all the HRT but I still feel like my rose tinted glasses have gone forever. My positive outlook has disappeared, I often think my husband is a Dick and I want to be on my own, at peace or sitting in the garden alone. Thats until my annoying neighbours kids play out.
Am I old and grumpy, disillusioned or depressed? I've read lots on HRt, got the right dose & mix and should be on an even keel by now.
I feel like I've spent the last 18 years on everyone else and now want to selfishly be on my own & do what I want to fo, but I don't know what that is.
I don't even want to retire with my husband- secretly I'd like to run off on my own but I don't know what Id do when I got there.
I feel like if I had the money i would just go and leave them to it. I'm done.
Is there something wrong with me? 😫

You’re not alone. I go from wanting to divorce my DH, to wanting to book a cruise with him, to wanting to divorce him again, several times a day. It’s exhausting, anxiety inducing, and upsetting. I feel like I’m going mad.

Aw thanks am glad I'm not alone!!
Is this what an 18 year marriage looks like?

I’ve been married over 30 years and I’d be happy if he said he was leaving. In my mind I’ve decorated the house how I want it, with a pink front door. I think I’d like to live separately , that would be best

My fantasy if of getting a divorce, but then I'll remember that I do love him even he's a dick.

My DC pointed out the other day that I frequently point out little houses I'd like to live in on my own. I didn't realise I mentioned it quite that often. You're definitely not alone.

Is there a house available next door? 😃

But do you love him or just need him to survive like that kidnap attachment thing??

Wow you broke cover! 😂😂

@CantBelieveNaive

Stolkholm Syndrome?

No because I don't feel any empathy for him as he easily stop being a duck if he wanted to.

Whenever I imagine my retirement, I'm on my own.

47 here, been on HRT for 7 years now.

I have decentred men from my life (it takes more work than I thought as well) and tend to view them with the disdain not unlike when a cat meets a rambunctious puppy, and hates it on sight. I thought I was just being mildly grumpy, but it turns out that perimenopause and men getting on my nerves synced up nicely.

I am fortunate to live alone (I do have a dog) and there's no annoying bloke under my feet, which is lovely.

Have the terrible thoughts where you dream of launching your husband into deep space so you can have a bit of peace and quiet. Enjoy the thoughts of wishing the kids next door came with a remote detonation device that happens to be nowhere near you at the time. Be as selfish as you like, there are too many irritants in the world, and I think they all get on our last nerves when we are headed into the later stages of our lives.

Bollocks to anyone who disturbs your peace. If they persist, hiss at them and threaten to eat them or something.

(I do have a warped sense of humour which has not at all diminished with the onset of perimenopause, apologies if anything offended).

I read the book Hags and it put into words all these feelings.

Married 27 years, love my husband but would quite happily live alone.

Oh thank you I will order it now! ;)
Why have women put up with men being stupid and annoying for so long?? Argh

Every single little thing at work annoys and irritates me. I'm irritable as soon as I walk through the doors. I am a bit calmer at home as there is only my daughter and I.
I did have an argument with my partner, ended the relationship and then thought, what have I done. We're back together now, but that was purely irrational hormonal weirdness.
I realised through a bit of trial and error that I was going through Oestrogen dominance, so have altered the HRT and feel much calmer on the odd Progesterone tablet throughout the month. It wont stop the work rage, unless I murder all the people without common sense and proper problem solving abilities. 😄

Feel exactly the same about work as you @B1rd, problem is there would be zero work force left at my place if I did that 😬🤣

I think the hormones etc are real. But I have also seen too many women forever to reaching this age and just realising they just don't have "any fucks to give" and it really resonates. I think as women we were brought up to believe we have to compromise, put others first, keep the peace etc and eventually you just can't be bothered anymore and more and more younrealise how shit it is.

This is x1000 if your dh is the type who has been brought up to believe he can and should always prioritise himself, he's the hero of his story etc.
Sadly, too often, these are not bad men but 50 plus years of women - mothers, wives, daughters - putting them first has made them oblivious.

We went to a 50th wedding anniversary a few years ago for our elderly neighbours. He stood up and said something like, "men, the secret to a long and happy marriage is to always do your share of the chores. Don't leave it all for her." We chuckled but honestly, I often think back to that ans quite frankly, I am not sure i have heard any theories that stand up more than that.

Love your sense of humour! Will do ha ;)