Feel I can't cope- someone tell me m over-reacting.

[Tulip2478]

Sorry if this isn't appropriate. I really feel like I need people to tell me to pull myself together. I feel family life has just got on top of me. I'm so exhausted and tired, my infant has been whiny all day, my 3 year old is very hard work all day constantly hitting me. I suffer from bad depression and anxiety also. I locked myself out today and had to get two buses to my husbands work to get the key. What's tipped me over is I changed my shifts to nights Cs of no childcare and my H has said he's Woking now tommorow meaning I will have no rest and I know it sounds silly but I can't cope i won't be able to function and when I feel ill I get anxious and have panic attacks. When he told me u walked out the room an dhe said to the kids 'your mums in a mood ' thing is I change everything for him my shifts I ask my family to look after the kids so he can sleep if he's on nights and I'm at work. I'm js so sick and tired of feeling second best. I only work Cs the t*at doesn't give me access to his bank account (he earns above average around 55 to 60k).

I'm out for a walk now and so stress4d I know he will be angry I js can't cope with it all.

I don't think your overreacting. I found it impossible to do nights when spending days with DC.

Maybe wait til you can have a decent conversation with DH (not when you're already fried!) ~ you need to know when he is changing shifts so you can plan. You also need to work out a sustainable way of managing finances.

Good luck 💐

Thank you for replying. Its not just this it's everything. I just feel like I can't cope with it all. I have had a talk with him he says he can't change it for tommoriw. It's just the icing on the cake for me. Iv gone out now and left him with the kids he will be angry when I get back but I need to clear my head.

I have been walking around for 2 hours. H has finally decided to text. He is not happy I can tell by his short messaged and no kisses. I am dreading going home. I still sont feel calm enough. Does anyone have any idea what I can say?

I'm worried he will make me out to be a unfit mother or think I am weak.

Are you ok?

I'm exhausted just reading about your exhaustion.

Everything is hard when you haven't had enough sleep. Try to prioritise that?

Be honest with him.

What sort of work do you do?

It can't go on like this. He can sort out the financial situation easily, and needs to realise you can't run on empty, you're worn out

Thanks for the replies.
I probably appeared very dramatic with my post. I was walking around for a couple of hours as I felt I couldn't breathe and was panicking- people were given me strange looks. I felt it all got on top of me and have nowhere to turn. H knew I was out walking because I don't drive. He sent an short text without kisses so I knew he was angry. He hasn't spoken to me or looked at me this morning before work. I'll be honest, the fact that he doesn't ever seem to be worried about me and says I am the instigator all the time makes me feel unwanted and unloved, but perhaps I'm being dramatic and shouldn't expect him to care if I walk out upset. I also wish he would stop saying things about me in front of the kids, my daughter already calls me a stupid woman and she's only 5.
I can't change the financial situation- not to drop feed but I have posted about ot before and my H thinks very much his money is his money, he doesn't let me see it and gets angry when I ask about anything financial.
I am worried about my mental health and how I am going to cope- how can I be a good mother when I feel like this? I need to do something and I don't know what- I feel trapped. I hope noone will judge me for this but I rang in sick for work tonight due to extreme stress. I haven't told H yet, he will think I'm being pathetic.

I don’t want to just say ‘this is abuse’ but you sound scared of your DH and he clearly doesn’t like/love you.

most people couldn’t function on such little sleep esp when you add small children into the mix.

it sounds like he is hoarding money - are you 50:50 on bills?

This isn't right and yes your children will be affected. It sounds like the marriage is over unless something drastic changes.

The exhaustion is real and you must take it seriously or your body will shut down and you'll end up seriously sick and unable to take care of your child.

What really stands out here is that you have no support from your DH. You are doing everything. You also sound very unhappy in the relationship.

What would separation look like for you? Would you get more rest? Would it be easier not having to factor him in?

Also if you share a child and a home
and he's not sharing finances that is financial abuse.

Could you stay with family?

This is abuse. Financial, mental, emotional. And your children will be being damaged as a consequence as well as you being dismantled piece by piece.

You are massively under reacting as a trauma response to the fucking nasty dickhead who is your current husband.

This WILL NOT COME GOOD.

@Tulip2478 he sounds horrible! I would be quietly looking to leave him.

He sounds awful. He's all about him isn't he?

Hi OP, can you get this moved to the Relationship board as there are many more women on there who can give you practical help right now. I’m in Ireland so I can’t direct you to help. From reading on here I think you urgently need Women’s Aid and a GP.

Your body will shut down if you don’t deal with the crisis, do you have family you can call on to help you right now? Or friends?

I have been thinking of leaving for a while. Dont want to drip feed but I have contacted womens aid recently. I have posted about this. I just felt I needed to vent last night because I was at breaking point, I have never felt that bad before, I was literally running to get rid of my anxious energy, I looked like a crazy mad woman, it's pathetic, a married 30 something mum of three behaving like that I am worried about how the rest of the week will go, I'm pretty sure H won't bring it up, he will just sulk and let me know he's unhappy. So I feel I'm constantly on eggshells. I was thinking about ringing the GP but it's too late in the day now and i honestly don't know what they would do.

I do want to leave bit I'm scared of what he might do and say, and my children much prefer their dad, I don't want to ruin their lives. I don't know what the next step is. I have also thought of suggesting marriage counselling bit don't think that will go down well as H will accrue me of not loving him and wanting to leave him, as this is his default reaction when I bring anything up.

Does anybody know of anywhere I can get practical advice if I wanted to separate? The house isnt mine or the deeds but I know when your married it doesn't mean anything. I also have no savings or spare money, so not sure if its best to stay longer so I can save. Could he use my mental health against me and declare me an unfit mother? This is what I'm afraid of. He has never done this but I'm very careful of what I say and do around him, and am worried he will use thus as ammunition.