Is it normal for partner to say these sort of things?

[67Bakery]

Hi everyone,

my partner doesn’t seem to be too happy with the relationship at the moment even though I’ve been doing my best.
He’s said that I what I’ve been doing at the moment isn’t enough. What worried me is that his brother recently broke up with his girlfriend of over 2 years (me and my partner have also been together for just over 2 years) and his mum said to me “he’s got a new girlfriend now”. I said to my partner privately I hope his mum is never saying those words about my partner and the thought of that makes me feel physically ill. My partner said “ah well that’s life” and I just felt so replaceable and small in that moment. Is it normal for partner to be saying these things? He’s also recently said, when I asked if my best is good enough, he said something like “it’s good enough for you”. He’s also lost his temper a couple of times, for example the other day when I said to his brother (who’s recently left his job and is looking for another but he isn’t currently working) “at least you’re not living away from home with lots of bills to pay” (he’s still living in the family home) and afterwards my partner, in private, told me to “shut the f*k up” and when I said don’t speak to me like that he said “f*k off”. He did apologise straight afterwards and said he’s struggling to control his anger at the moment.

are these things that I should be putting up with?
thanks for reading

Two years in? This should be the best period.
I could not imagine being in a relationship like this long term.
And yes, of course you’re replaceable. So is he. That’s what dating is all about.

Time to tell him you're done with his shitty behaviour. The longer you put up with it, the worse it gets. You need to move on and find someone who actually likes you and will respect and treat you as an equal. This man is not that someone.

2 years in, not married? No kids? I wouldn't be putting up with him treating you like that

Tell him to get lost. Don't let anyone talk to you like that especially one with a temper he can't control.

I think your standards are too low if you think it’s acceptable in any way for your partner to tell you to ‘shut the fuck up’. You’re going to get others with low expectations saying it’s okay ‘in the heat of the moment’ but that’s not true. I’ve never told someone I love to shut the fuck up, regardless of how angry I’ve gotten with them. I wouldn’t tolerate someone saying it to me. They’d be an immediate ex partner. Raise your expectations and work on your confidence OP. X

Do you want kids in the future? If so then is this who you would choose as a good father for your kids?

When you say "He’s said that I what I’ve been doing at the moment isn’t enough" and "I asked if my best is good enough" what does that mean? Is he making demands of you in terms of behaviour, appearance, sex and so on? How does he respond if you say no to him?

From everything you say, he sounds like a very unpleasant controlling person and I would say that him getting a new girlfriend would be the best outcome for you, though not for the next poor woman he finds.

Bin him off, he sounds vile

You should not accept being spoken to like that, it’s such a hostile and disrespectful turn of phrase.

A wise friend of mine once warned me, about my newish boyfriend, “If he’s swearing at you now, he’ll pretty soon be beating you up.”

I didn’t stay with him long enough to find out.

If I’d been a Mumsnetter back then, I’d have already recognised a bunch of other red flags!

Don’t put up with verbal abuse, OP. It’s not a big step from that to physical abuse.

You seem to have fallen into the trap of believing that making a relationship work is your emotional responsibility and not his, and that you should be making him happy but not necessarily the other way round. You say you are doing your best and you are made to feel that it's not really good enough. Is he doing his best? And if he is, then his best is telling you to fuck off.

I know it's sad but most of us are replaceable, this is why some people marry morethan once and the 3rd marriage makes them so happy etc. thats just life , as sad as it sounds.

You deserve so much better than this. You deserve love, kindness and respect. It doesn’t sound like this man is providing you with any of these things.

Well, he sounds like an absolute pig of a man.

And no, this isn't what a relationship looks like.

He's using you for something temporarily but places no other value on you.

You need to separate and then learn more about yourself and relationships.

I think he’s disengaging from the relationship.

When you say "He’s said that I what I’ve been doing at the moment isn’t enough" and "I asked if my best is good enough" what does that mean?

I wondered that too.

OP, you are replaceable. And so is he.

Sometimes it's better not to ask questions like am I the best? Etc.

You shouldn't feel like you need to be any way for someone. Yourself should be enough.

But the worst bit is the way he speaks to you. I wouldn't be told to shut the fuck up

@67Bakery OP this relationship is done. It’s over. He’s being a complete arse. Don’t put up with it. He obviously wants you to dump him so go for it.

No. I wouldn't stay with someone who spoke to me like that.

It sounds like the beginning of the end, sorry. Men often start acting like jerks when they're unhappy in a relationship to try and get you to break up with them first. You're better off with someone who doesn't tell you to shut the f up, even if they're angry.

Do you live together?. What do you think you would be doing that would be "good enough "

Look, I’ve been “Not Good Enough”.. and do you know what would have made me pleasing to him. Dropping dead, or any other way of ceasing to exist.

He really obviously does not want to be in a real relationship with her, so is acting the cunt because he is too much of a coward to do it himself.

OP just needs to give notice on the place and get him the fuck out of her life.

“Planesmistakenforstars · Today 16:08

You seem to have fallen into the trap of believing that making a relationship work is your emotional responsibility and not his, and that you should be making him happy but not necessarily the other way round. You say you are doing your best and you are made to feel that it's not really good enough. Is he doing his best? And if he is, then his best is telling you to fuck off.”

This. And this:

“GreyCarpet · Today 17:54

When you say "He’s said that I what I’ve been doing at the moment isn’t enough" and "I asked if my best is good enough" what does that mean?

I wondered that too.”

In a healthy relationship, you don’t really think in terms of “doing your best” because you both naturally treat each other well ie you treat him well and he treats you well. But you seem to have the perception that you’re on probation in the relationship and constantly having to prove yourself. You sound very vulnerable to being mistreated.

I agree with pp that you sound very vulnerable.
It sounds as though this is a really unequal relationship.
He comes across as very unpleasant nasty piece of work.
It doesn't sound you are getting anything positive from the relationship OP.