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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Distancing from friend

4 replies

Nmcl40 · 16/09/2024 13:11

I have been friends with this person since school. We were never really that close. In fact I distanced myself from them a few years ago due to bullying then somehow we ended up chatting again and became friends. I thought at the time well it’s in the past maybe they have changed. How wrong was I? This person is so flakey, demanding and manipulative. We are in a group chat with other people and arrange to meet up. Most of the time she bails and is flakey. I had distanced myself due to her behaviour at her wedding and at mine and so didn’t care if she came or not. Recently, she has been asking am I ok I’m very quiet have we fallen out? Bearing in mind we were never that close but it is frustrating as this is now a few times she had texted me. Rather than just ignoring and upsetting I have simply said sorry I’ve been busy and was she ok? And she said that she feels like she has no friends. Again messages are in the chat with the others including me about meeting up and making plans and she never responds. I don’t get this? She has asked this numerous times and it’s getting frustrating. Either meet up with us or don’t. But if you don’t then don’t say you are lonely or feel like you have no friends. I do not want to be around this behaviour. How do o cut ties? Or am I being an asshole? I think the behaviour is just attention seeking and manipulative

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 20/09/2024 08:22

You’re being an asshole.
They are clearly struggling with confidence and self esteem. Reaching out to you will have taken a lot of courage.
Try being kind? Arrange to meet up just the two of you, and talk through how they’re feeling and why they struggle in the main group chat and with bigger get-togethers.

TheOccupier · 20/09/2024 08:25

Do you mean they bullied you a few years ago? Have you asked them why they don't show up to get-togethers?

Notamum12345577 · 20/09/2024 09:05

Maybe they struggle with anxiety or similar, and want to meet up but when it comes to it they just can’t?

TinkerTiger · 20/09/2024 13:32

I don't think whatever issues she may have are your concern. If people invite you out and you repeatedly pull at the last minute, the invites will dry up.

Same to the repeated non-responding of messages.

Mumsnet loves to make excuses for people with bad behaviour, but any relationship is a two-way street. You can't invest nothing into friendships then cry about not having friends. If it's a result of anxiety or low confidence and some posters have assumed, it's HER job ti sort it out.

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