Please share your ideas of what is my best move for me and more importantly DD.
Context, autistic wife (me) told 'D'H 3 weeks ago that I want to separate. It's taken me 2 years and a few therapy sessions to build up the courage to do this. We have a nearly 10 yo autistic DD who is currently out of school whilst waiting for Specialist Provision. I can't work and receive CA and DLA as my only 'income'. H controls finances, pays household bills etc although I have my own account which all benefits get paid into. No shared accounts at all and I'm not on the mortgage. I pay my own bills, phone, car stuff etc from my account.
Husband has been low level abusive in the past, mostly passive aggressive behaviours
like huffing, sulking, scowling etc when things don't go his way. On occasion slam or throw things in anger, not at me or DD but still intimidating. He's called me a stupid/bloody woman or dozy mare many a times. He may or may not be ND as well but that does not matter any more as the effects are the same on me and DD in that we walk on eggshell when he's like that. He is of course mostly pleasant and charming to be around but the unpredictable nature (when he becomes unpleasant) makes it impossible for me to stay married. My feelings for him have cooled significantly over the years and I can no longer be intimate with him. Which didn't stop him from groping me against my wishes in the past although this has now completely stopped.
He is reluctant to accept this separation and is now begging for couples therapy and for more chances. He does not want to sell house or move out and is making me feel bad for doing 'this' to DD. I am standing strong on not caving in to going back to him (no way!) But I don't know what's best for next. I had hoped we could house share for a few months whilst he processed this and then maybe look at who should move out/do we need to sell etc. This might be calmer for DD. Currently he's mostly being nice but at the same time playing on my emotions and making me feel bad. Yet that might be easier to put up with for a few months than rushing into moving out.
Or should I just blow my meagre savings on a month's rent and deposit and then apply for benefits? More upheaval in short term and may make things harder with H. When it might be worth waiting to see how things go in case he is more cooperative.
I keep swinging from one option to another and feel so trapped financially. There was no way of just breaking up and moving out straight away and it is not bad enough for refuge either. No family to go to.
Any advice welcome, I may take some time to reply as have DD here.