My relationship has been slowly dying for years. Hubbie's depression made him snappy, selfish, grumpy and full of resentment toward me and our teenage kids. He didn't show any interest in us and barely spent any time with us. I walked on eggshells around him, wondering when the mood swing would happen. There has barely been a hug between us for years.
Last year, again, I tried to pursuade him to get help with his depression. He said he didn't need any help, he was fine. I realised he meant he was fine with the toxic person he'd become and had no desire to manage his mood swings or be any different. I gave up hope and lost whatever love I had left. I was taking time to getting my head around the idea of leaving as it will be a huge upheaval and horrible financially. He knew none of this.
Suddenly the last few months, a little of his old self seems to be returning. He started actually seeking our company. He is saying hello and asking me if I want a tea. We've spent a little time together thats been enjoyable, watching TV and on a small decorating project. He didn't entirely ruin our holiday or the kids birthday.
I'm not confident he will fully change into someone who is always nice. He can switch back to the selfish grump in an instance. But he is begining to seem like someone I could tollerate living with for longer and occasionally it be enjoyable.
I am absolutely unsure how to feel about this. My heart had already left and now its being tugged back.
We have a long history together and the kids. Giving up is huge. He is begining to seem like a friend and that this is a relationship that I could settle with for the sake of the kids and their education.
I feel I should be able to allow my heart to be open and see how things go. But its hard to forget how toxic he's been for the last 5 years and give him a clean slate. But a huge part of me wants to guard my heart. He has been so uncaring for so long. I have lived on a knife edge for his moods. I don't want to get comfy assuming this nicer person will appear and get the toxic one instead.
I'm looking for some guidance from people who have given someone a second chance. How do I do it? ShouLd I do it? Does it work? I can't talk to anyone in real life. I have never talked to him properly, the noment I say anything negative he runs away from the discussion. To others he puts on a good show, so anyone I have complained to in real life has minimised what I was going through behind closed doors.