Younger man

[Thishouseisafckingprison]

Hi all, long term user but nc for this post as could be identifying alongside other stuff.
Just wanted some perspectives as this place has helped me immeasurably so many times in the past.
I've been separated from xh for 2.5 years, divorce was finalised a year ago. A long deterioration prior to this, and I think emotionally I was gradually detaching a few years before it eventually came to a head. Xh had drink and drug issues, very erratic and unpredictable/at times abusive behaviour and I lived with a lot of anxiety when we were together. We have one ds together, aged 13 who is with me 90% of the time post split (xh's choice).

About a year ago a situation started with someone I have known for about 6/7 years in a work capacity. We don't work alongside one another day to day but our paths cross professionally from time to time. We were at a work event and at the end of the evening it was just the two of us left, some deeper conversations etc and after a few drinks and he kissed me. The following day he messaged asking me out and I thought why not and from day 1 have hit it off. He is intelligent, kind, emotionally aware, genuine, consistent, respectful, everything . He is also very attractive physically. He has honestly blown my mind, I never expected another relationship nor did I think anyone would be worth it. But I'm quite besotted.

Now for the issue - he is 29 years old and I am 41. Am I kidding myself there could be a future in this ? Maybe relevant, don't know but I'm often taken for younger than my age, my heritage is Thai and im very petite/short if that makes a difference! He is tall, lovely and going grey so I don't feel he is immature or anything. In terms of his character, which is obviously the most important factor he is much more mature than my almost 50 yo xh. And treats me in a way I never thought possible.

My worry is around children - he says he would rather be with the right person than have children and he understands that I don't want any more. He is perfect for me apart from our age difference.

Any thoughts or similar experiences would be helpful, thank you

My friend has this same age gap. She’s now 52. Neither wanted children. Both want the same things in life. Been living together over 10 years and still happy. Can’t see them ever splitting up.

Me and younger DP have an even bigger age gap. We’ve been together a couple of years. We won’t live together as long term we do want different things, but we enjoy each other’s company and I’ve had the best time. It will be sad when we split up but I wouldn’t have missed the experience.

Enjoy dating and spending time with this man. And ignore any vicious comments you’ll get on here.

Thank you so much for the supportive comments. Really helps to hear about other experiences with similar gaps with the woman older.
I would never have sought out someone younger but this happened naturally.

I started going out with my DP when he was 28 and I was 40. We hit it off right away and are still together almost 30 yrs later, we get along very well! Neither of us has kids nor wants them.

@CrunchyCarrot love this. It's really good to hear of the success in terms of longevity with the same gap!
I can see this man being an amazing partner in the long term and it's good to hear it can work.

Yes, well it can happen! Mine has been so wonderful, I think one in a million really! Hopefully you have found the same!

Sounds like you have a lovely relationship and have discussed the age gap/children question honestly and openly. I would just enjoy being together and see how it goes. There's no rush to make any sort of commitment. Yes, the age gap may cause issues further down the line but equally it may not! There are really no guarantees in any relationship so sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith!

Thanks so much, absolutely right that there are no guarantees in any relationship.
This guy is not very 'laddy' if that makes sense, he is more of an introvert/laid back type and enjoys similar things to myself, outdoorsy stuff, cooking, plays a few instruments he practices rather than being out clubbing like maybe some other young men do. I'm hoping I have found a needle in a haystack!
But you never know and I think I would be a fool not to give this a go.

When my sister was 42 she started a relationship with a man of 25. They are still together. She is now 78 and he is 61.

In what way?
He is very fit, sporty and manly just not a big drinker.

My ex had substance abuse issues so it's a very refreshing change

Love this ❤️

Do you mind me asking if any children were involved ?

It sounds like you have a lot on common 🥰 I'm a great believer that age gap relationships can work - my grandmother married my grandfather when she was 18 and he was 42! They had four children, fostered a 5th and stayed together and very much in love until he died aged 87.

I’m 9 years older than the man in my life. Earlyish days but just going with the flow. There is judgement but yet when men are older it seems ok. It works for us right now. He is more emotionally mature than men my own age I have found. If it comes to a point when we want different things we will rethink. However this happened in a long term relationship previously and we had a smaller age difference. If your both happy that matters more than age.

12 years is nothing. Don’t worry about it.

My XH#2 is 12 years younger than me. It turned out he's a weirdo we were incompatible long term, but that was nothing to do with the age difference. The only times we noticed it was with references to childhood TV programmes! Nobody else had a problem with it either, at least as far as we knew.

I was mid-forties with PCOS. We were considering adoption; he was not at all obsessed with siring his own progeny.

Glad you're having a lovely time, OP!

Which bit of him doesn't sound 'manly'?!

She had two who had already left home when they moved in together; he has no children.