Urg, another failed relationship

[Splitlens]

I need some words of comfort. Even though I ended things for the best, it's still shit. I hate this feeling. I'm stuck feeling angry and then sad, then worrying about the loneliness again. I'm really trying to keep the positives at the forefront.

I'm.also trying not to let doubt creep in about ending things. I worry I am the main cause and seeing things in a skewed way. Regardless, it's best we end it either way I suppose.

I'm doing the unhealthy thing of comparing myself to others and feeling rotten..please help guys

I worry no one will be right for me! Since my divorce, I just can't seem to be healthy in a relationship. He had so many good qualities. I miss him. But I'd just cause more problems. I need a windfall so I can finally afford appropriate therapy. There's a part of me that feels sorry for myself.
Then I try and remember the twatish things and my anger pulls me out of the pity party.
Sorry if you're going through similar, be kind to yourself:)

Feeling pretty crap myself tonight. We’ve been split 4 months, and whilst I know in my head it’s the right thing, my heart is hurting tonight. I’ve been reading up on trauma bonds which I’m pretty sure I’m going through. Sending you hugs, there’ll be good days and bad but you’ll get there, we both will 😍

I could have written your OP. It’s shit, and I’m not yet at the point of having wise words to offer you, just solidarity!

Sorry you guys are also going through similar..it is like grief, isn't it? Thanks for the comfort and solidarity but wish no one was going through this..I used to drink myself through these emotions, so I suppose by not getting hammered, it's a positive. I've actually come off social media today. It's not good for my mindstate. I'm also trying to stop myself getting another cat.....

I had three live-in relationships, one of two years, one of ten, one of five. I also had a couple of 10/11 month relationships that dwindled away. Felt crap that I’d tried so hard but they all didn’t seem to appreciate/value me. Then, in my late forties I unexpectedly met the most wonderful man who loves and respects me back…and I finally realised the other things were poor imitations of love…we’ve been together years now but our secret is not living together - we have two houses, next to each other!

Lick your wounds, but know that you are definitely deserving of healthy relationships.

I was just starting to feel really good being single before I'd met heartbreaking too. Id accepted relationships just weren't my jam and was excited to try things on my own. Annoyed at myself at landing right back here again. But the crying had eased up..maybe my hearts finally crusting up. Along with everything else 😂

Thank you for sharing that MadamTeapot..it is reassuring to know that these things can happen. I'm hitting 40 next month so it's nice to hear you met someone in yours. I'm unsure if I'm being too critical of these people I get involved with. I hope if I can resolve some crap from the past, maybe I can relax into someone in the future. Or not. It is nice having the bed to myself to look forward to!

@Splitlens i actually think I wasn’t critical enough! I mean at the beginning, and staying far longer than I should have done. They seemed okay but actually I deserved far more than okay. It should be Mutual respect, and feeling cherished. DP makes me feel beautiful, which I never had from men when I actually wasn’t bad-looking when younger. A lot of men are takers, and because we are loving and giving we allow an imbalance but it diminishes us - we deserve someone who loves and gives to us, with generosity of spirit.

I definitely ended my forties far, far happier relationship-wise than ever before, and stronger in myself too, and I hope you do too.