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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH's behaviour causing issues

5 replies

BigHoops · 15/09/2024 13:39

Will be a long one sorry.

Been with DH for 13 years. Two primary aged DC, both mid forties and we are both working full time, no family living nearby. So life is already very busy.

DH had a difficult childhood which has definitely contributed to trauma in his adult life. He's done his best to address this, had extensive counselling etc. But it is something that from time to time, can make life a bit more challenging and means that he isn't always easy to be with.

He started a new demanding role two years ago and since then he's really struggled. Last year he went to the GP about his anxiety, they prescribed sertraline which I wasn't very happy about. It did help with his mood swings a bit but not with his sleep which has got so much worse. So he recently started to taper his dose, GP said fine to go cold turkey which he has. The effects have been nasty though, and he's having a hard time coping. And still not sleeping! He has sleeping pills now but they make him v groggy and they're not a long term solution.

This coincides with him looking for a new role as he's having to leave the last one. He won't be unemployed if he can't find something but he will take a pay cut, I reckon we'd be fine (and would much rather he was in a job he enjoys) but he is worried and it's impacted his self esteem.

Basically, this all means that he's incredibly difficult to live with and it's hugely impacting on family life. I'm trying to keep us out of his way but means I do the brunt of the childcare. I am trying to understand and be sympathetic but right now, I really don't like the person this is making him, and I've even thought a couple of times about what our life might look like living separately.

I just feel me and the DC are walking on eggshells all the time and it's making me anxious and nervy. Please don't think I don't care - of course I do and I love him, I'm invested in us. It's just so difficult though!

Don't know what anyone can say really, unless anyone else has experienced similar?

OP posts:
TryingNotToPanic89 · 15/09/2024 13:41

I'm really surprised the GP said it was OK to just stop the sertraline as that's very different to what I was told. If it was helping when he was on it, why did he stop taking it?

BigHoops · 15/09/2024 13:42

Yep me too. I don't rate our GP at all tbh, she's new and I think not very helpful. He wanted to come off it because his sleep has been so very bad and he wanted to try it without. But he has spare boxes so can go back on if he has to.

OP posts:
olderbutwiser · 15/09/2024 13:44

What exactly is he doing that makes life so difficult?

Sertraline certainly works very well for my DHs anxiety which in itself helps his sleep; why were you unhappy about him taking it? How would you feel if he was unhappy about you taking that, or HRT, or statins if they were prescribed for you?

buttonsB4 · 15/09/2024 13:45

How is his diet? And what is his exercise routine like?

For example, does he drink lots of caffeine which would keep him awake? And does he physically wear himself out enough to sleep?

poppyzbrite4 · 15/09/2024 13:46

Explain to him that his behaviour is unacceptable and you'd like him to do something about it. Give him a few weeks to take some action and if he doesn't, start sorting out a plan to leave.

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