Wasting time or ?

[Zoopymoopy]

I’ve been with my partner for two years, M 40 F38, we both have children from separate relationships, his teenagers, mine 6. We see eachother twice a week and every other weekend we get to spend together without kids. We’ve had our fair share of arguments that can sometimes go for days of not speaking. We are both stubborn. We do love eachother and my partner on various occasions had stated he wants to marry me, and we are both also trying for a child. I’ve reached the stage where I want more than seeing him twice a week and every other weekend. When we spoke about moving in, he brings up that he’s concerned how his children will handle it and that we should ease into it, which I agree to as I also don’t want my daughter to feel forced into a blended family however, because of the arguments (mostly over silly things) I always feel that it sets us back and that marriage or moving forward is no longer an option. Granted I have my moments where I question whether I want to be part of a blended family(chaotic from what I’ve read) and I don’t want to move into his home (I rent whilst he owns his) without me adding money into the property so that it’s equally his and mine. We’ve gone as far as looking at wedding rings together but now, we are not talking again because I hung up on him during an argument and I know he will say this has now made him uncertain about proposing. I’m confused because at my age, I don’t have much time to have another child which we both want and actively sought advise as things haven’t worked when we try naturally so I thought this meant things are going in the right direction, but now I don’t know what’s happening. I constantly feel if we argue or I get upset/angry during an argument, that I go back to square one with him and I feel almost unworthy of being proposed to or worthy enough of more in a relationship. It’s making me feel he’s using the kids not being ready as an excuse for us to not move forward. I know I’m worthy deep down and that I don’t need to wait on a man for validation, my daughter is my world and I don’t want to feel that we are at his mercy to have the “family” life that I envisioned.

You don't speak for days, he doesn't want to live together and you are trying for a child? What the heck?

@forevernumb we don’t speak for days when we argue, we have moments where we are so good and the topic of marriage comes up and the talk of children comes up and we feel we are ready to try, but then we argue and it puts a spanner in the works

Absolutely this. Why on earth do you think bringing a child into this mess? Two year in and you argue and don’t speak for days on end - this is a really unhealthy situation and just because inbetween the rows you get on ok really doesn’t mean it’s a good relationship.

Please, please don’t try to blend families and have a baby with this man! You can’t bring your child into this mess. What will you do if you live together and stop speaking for days? Honestly this sounds toxic.

I can’t believe you don’t live together and are trying for a child! How would that work?! It sounds like you’re not suited, I think you should get out now.

If you don't even live together yet but have this level of arguing going on how can you be thinking of marriage,more kids etc?

I hate to say it but this relationship sounds doomed.

That’s exactly what I thought when I read it. OP, try to imagine that your friend asks for help[ and they describe what you wrote. You’d tell them to get out of it, which is what you should do.

What am I reading - you want to bring a child into this so-called relationship? You have a young child to think about, so does he, you argue and don’t speak, the money and housing isn’t sorted… FFS op, don’t be so bloody selfish!

This sounds similar to my relationship with my ex. He wanted to move in together and blend families and possibly have another child together. But all the bickering and arguing would give me second thoughts. If we were arguing like that before moving in together it would only get worse if we shared the same space. And I definitely didn’t want a baby with him if we could go days without speaking. The best thing I did was leave, my peace of mind was more important than having a man or a baby

I'm sorry to be so blunt but I had to read that twice to be sure I hadn't been mistaken. You are trying for a child with a man you don't live with, argue with to the point of not speaking for days. He's not sure about how moving in will work, you're apprehensive about living in his house. This has disaster written all over it. Are you mad??

I got to the part where you don't live together and are actively trying to get pregnant. WTF?

What everyone else is saying. You aren’t even living together but you’re trying for a baby? Assume you fell pg tomorrow, that would give you 9 months max to move in together, get to know each other, establish routines with your respective kids and get things vaguely stable before a baby arrives and turns your life on its head the way newborns do.

And you have rows where you don’t speak for days and he’s worried about rushing things with his kids?

This is not looking like it will end well.