Has he reactivated his secret email account?

[Crappybara]

NC for this.

I’ll be brief - but caught DH cheating a few years ago. We tried to work through it. Things have been ok… I think.

The thing I’m worried about now is that he had a secret email account he used to use to contact his OW (plural!) and deleted it when I found out. I checked it was gone at the time by emailing the address myself, as I wanted access to read what was in there (he said it had all been deleted) and to check he had told the truth. I got a bounce back email saying undeliverable. So all gone. And forgotten in the annals of time! Worse things to worry about!

Then yesterday I emailed it again by mistake as it was similar to another contact and saved in my phone having emailed before. No biggie except, this time I got no bounce back email.

has he reopened it?? Can you do that once it’s been deleted? I thought once you deleted it was gone forever and couldn’t reuse the address.

do you always get a bounce back if the account has been deleted?

it was a hotmail account. Advice welcome as I don’t want to make a fuss over nothing but obviously I’m now on high alert!

If there was no previous history I’d suggest he may have multiple email accounts to claim “new customer” discounts online (I have about 4 for this reason 😬)
But I can see why you’re not giving him the benefit of the doubt given the history. I don’t think I could stay with someone who had cheated you’ll surely never trust him fully again but for some people it seems to work second time around. I know someone who had an affair and was so mortified and ashamed of herself and the silly risks she’d taken that could have ended her marriage, she never even contemplated doing it again. He could be in the remorseful, regretful camp?

He only stopped last time because you caught him
He likely carried it on straight away but got better at hiding it.
It was with multiple women so not as if it was a 1 off.
I'd run far away from this man, once a cheat always a cheat.

Email the address and say 'You're caught' and then just see how he acts when you give him a knowing look the next day. Although, is it possible someone else has made an account with the same email address? I find it odd that he wouldn't just make a new address anyway as I doubt those same women are still hanging around for him.

When I tried to make an email address the same it said it belonged to another user but when I tried to log in it said it didn’t exist…

A lot of services now lie to you if you type the wrong password in, and claim that the email address doesn't exist. It's considered more secure, as attackers can't be sure they're trying to access an active email address.

Follow the link to reset the password. You will likely know the phone number connected to the address for the 2 factor authentication so there’s potential it would text him a code and you’d get his live reaction.

I think some of the comments on here are a little unfair. Whilst there’s always scope for him to return to, or still be, cheating it’s hard for us to know your relationship based on a few posts on here. If you genuinely have no other reason to be suspicious, then note this in your mind and continue to move forward. Ultimately, moving past infidelity is hard because the trust is permanently broken. But you agreed to that, and so I think you should continue on that path unless / until there is something else that becomes a pink/red flag.

Don’t email the account saying ‘you’re caught’ because I think there’s limits around how soon after you know about infidelity you can cite that as a divorce reason, and you don’t want to do anything that might impact your position in the future.

You say that you can't log into the account - imo that just means he's changed the password.
Personally I would probably ask to use his phone and try to access it that way and/or look at his messages/call records.

Personally, I think everyone deserves a chance to learn and grow from their mistakes, but it's also important to protect yourself and your well-being. If you're feeling unsure or hurt, it's okay to take time to figure things out. As for the multiple email accounts for discounts—totally get it, practicality can sometimes lead to having a few extra accounts! If you're looking to verify anything, there are tools like Bulk Email Checker that can help. Trust is such a crucial foundation in any relationship, and when it's shaken, it can be really hard to rebuild.

It probably doesn't release the email to be used by others until the 60 days are up.
If you accidentally emailed him, he would have seen it and know to shut it down. Then he can undo it when he thinks the coast is clear. Basically, you tipped him off.
As far as bounceback goes, did you try from an anonymous email, or could he just have your address blocked since? Of course you can't just log into his account, he will have changed the password surely.