STB ex h not cooperating with divorce

[Hesatwat]

Ongoing from brothelgate (see my other thread from July) I applied for divorce and we have been backwards and forwards arguing about the fact that he went to a brothel and supposedly didn’t act on it. He has been working but hardly contributed a penny towards family bills so I barely have enough money to scrape through the rest of the month. He hasn’t responded to divorce application and has missed his deadline. I can’t start mediation to agree on finances after the split because he won’t even give me contributions toward bills so we are getting nowhere. We continue in this toxic household arguing most days. We live in an area where rent is extortionate. I’ve also been advised legally not to move out. I have no borrowing capeability at the moment either. I am well and truly stuck with this man whilst he continues to gamble and go out drinking with his mates. I have no idea what to do now. I can’t afford any more legal advice either. He refuses to leave as it’s his house

You aren't living together. Apply for UC as an individual. You are divorcing him. His income and what he owns is irrelevant.

You said cars. You only need one car. SORN the other and stop paying insurance.

If you can't afford to pay bills and food, the children's activities need to go on hold for the time being. They will survive.

Utilities may give you a payment holiday for a month but if the house isn't in your name you need to get that sorted first.

You can expedite the financial side of the divorce by choosing to not go through mediation because he's being financially abusive. I know the process encourages you to do it, but you don't have to.

Make sure you comply with all orders in time as that will bode well if/when you get to a final court hearing.

As PPs have said, you can apply for UC as you're now separated.

I'm in this process atm - just keep pushing through, you'll get there.

If one of the cars is your car, take him off the insurance and don't let him use it. Keep the keys with you.

Stop paying for his car. Stop paying any of his individual expenses.

Start living as separately as possible (no washing his clothes or cooking for him, sleeping in different rooms) and claim as a single person.

If you're married, it doesn't really matter whose name the house is under.

That’s why women’s aid need to be involved. This is abuse on many levels and no one can live that way.

OP you are Separated, you claim is as a single person wether in the same home or not.

Then get a child maintenance claim in straight after .

You have started the divorce so you are now legally considered separated (but you need to do next paragraph too). Get onto UC to make a claim, if needs be get CAB to help you fill it in.

To be truly separated you need to stop doing EVERYTHING for him. This means no laundry, no cooking, no shopping, no cleaning his bed if he's in another room. Not paying for his things. It means treating him as if he wasn't there. This is very important otherwise the government will say you are still living together as opposed to living under the same roof. You wouldn't wash underpants or feed a housemate for instance. This also means stop paying for his insurance, petrol, Netflix, gym etc. Keep your car keys on you at all times.

Start learning the art of grey rocking so the arguments lessen. Either walk away, or say yes dear, and refuse to give any information unless it is actually necessary. It takes two people to argue, stop caring (if you can).

Contact Women's Aid for practical and emotional support, that is what they do.

EDIT - agree with pp above. Start the CMS claim today.

He'll just copy the keys.

All good advice Thankyou.

OP - if you are married, and with children - the properties are marital assets. I preaume he owns them?. It doesn‘t matter that your name
is not on the deeds.
And on that basis - you cant apply for UC. As you co-own a house.
As to mediation - you only only need to attend MIAM. Then they send him a mediation invite, and if he fails to cooperate within a give time, they’ll give you paperwork you can use to file in court.
I’d do that to get the ball rolling as he’ll have to comply with court instructions, or be found in contempt.

Google - DYI divorce - it’ll give you recommendation on where to start.
You don't need to need to end up in court - but sending the signal that you are going for it may force him to engage and settle before it gets there.

In the meanwhile - file a CMS claim. Even if self employed - he must pay taxes and that will be basis for determination of child maintenance for now.
if he kicks off - hell him you’ll inform HMRC about his not reporting of cash earnings - IF that is the case…. And it often is in self employment…

Of course you can claim UC if you own a house.