Sexless and unaffectionate marriage

[Beau10]

I'm posting this as I want some advice and to see whether anyone else is going through the same. I'm 28 have one dd and a husband who i have been with since 15, married 8 years. He's the love of my life and the first for everything. We are best friends as well as husband and wife. Obviously we are in the throws of life , house, child, busy jobs etc so that is having its toll as is with everyone I assume. We used to have sex frequently 2-3 times a week if not more but the past year its dwindled to barely once a month. I feel part of it is my husbands job, its very demanding long hours and shift work, also working away from home occasionally. He's exhausted and he can see some awful things in his job so I know this affects him and I appreciate that. I feel I support him the best I can but I get no affection or any show of love like i used to. I know he's a solid man and he is there in every other way I'm just really upset over not having any physical connection anymore as I feel its important. I feel distant and resentful as I feel too young to be stuck in this cycle already and I don't want the rest of my marriage to be like this, we want more children and I fear with that will surely just bring extra cause for him to avoid it. I have confronted him numerous times and he still says he desires me and wants to but just says he's tired or we don't get to see eachother much due to his work. I'm kind of at a loss as of what to do, any advice would be appreciated.

I think medication for depression can affect sex drive as well? Doesnt make it impossible but may be harder to get things going.

My thoughts too 😩😩😩

@Beau10
If you can, if it were me, I'd start checking phones.
This sounds a bit off to me.

I've friends in the police and the affairs are rife in the force between colleagues & even when they accompany prisoners to hospital, they leave with nurses numbers....

I agree with the posters saying about affair. I know it's a hard assumption, but in a similar age to you, been with husband similar amounts of time. Sex dwindled, I thought it was due to having DC.

I was the most unsuspecting person ever and would've whole heartedly denied ANY suspicion of affair, he was open with his phone, not secretive, never away from home etc. he was doing that so I wouldn't be suspicious. It was happening at work and he wasn't interested in me. I'm not saying for a second that's the case for you, but posters who say it's a bit of a leap, I can tell
You it's very much possible. But you have to look deep for evidence as messages are often deleted.

I’m not sure how good you both are at communicating marital issues, but the only way you can address this problem is by discussing it in as much detail as you possibly can.The reassuring aspect of this problem is your obvious love for each other. As men we are taught not to air our problems out loud, this can have a very negative impact on our emotional health, maybe your husband’s work is so tiring and stressful, the sexual side of your life is not at the forefront of his mind, also depression can cause lack of affection and disengagement.
Finally, at a risk of sounding negative, this is always a possibility, he might have formed an attachment to someone else (sounds unlikely, though).

Maybe it’s time you ask him to look at a new job?

what is porn?

Stop hinting and hoping. Use your words.