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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So confused

15 replies

Shoopes · 14/09/2024 20:03

Hi, I’m a 47 year woman. Have 2 kids and was with my husband for 27 years until he decided he didn’t know what he wanted. I’ve met someone else now. It started great. Lots of compliments and he was kind and funny. He had lots of issues but it was ok because he was always nice. As time has gone on it just feels like the effort is all made by me. I tend to pay for most things and generally it’s me driving to his house. He has 3 boys and told me today that his youngest wants him and his mum to get back together. He never thinks about what he says and the fact it hurts. I saw a message as he was messaging his lad saying he still loved his ex. He says he loves me but never remembers my birthday or takes me on dates or shows it any other way. We’ve been seeing each other about 2 years and he’s only been to my house once off his own back. He’s just had an op and I let him stay with me but there was snarky comments made about me and my appearance. He said he would give me some money towards petrol and shopping but says he hasn’t any right now. He texts lots of checks I’m ok this way but when I go and see him it feels like I’m just doing jobs for him. I want everything to be ok but am I just kidding myself. I feel like I need a reality check. Any advice please

OP posts:
Pjsallday · 14/09/2024 20:05

He's a total user!

Neveranynamesleft · 14/09/2024 20:08

Don't give this guy any more of your time or money. You deserve better.

category12 · 14/09/2024 20:10

Dump him.

unsync · 14/09/2024 20:10

He's not the one for you. Maybe it's time to be single for a while and rediscover who you really are. Learn to appreciate yourself and know your value. Then you will never let another man take advantage or make you feel less than. Be kind to yourself. Spend time getting to know who you are if you are not mother, wife, partner, nurse, driver, cleaner etc for some man who doesn't appreciate it.

Shoopes · 14/09/2024 21:57

Thank you all. I think am I being selfish wanting more in one breath then in the next just want to shake myself and tell myself to wake up 😢

OP posts:
Jamfirstest · 14/09/2024 21:59

Oh honestly what an utter cocklodger. Trust me you will feel better instantly just get rid what a knob.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/09/2024 22:00

Yes, you really need to wake up. He saw you coming a mile away, op. Tell him to fuck off and block his number. Don't be a doormat for anyone ever again.

suburberphobe · 14/09/2024 22:01

I tend to pay for most things and generally it’s me driving to his house.

You know this is not o.k. Dump and move on before wasting another minute on this selfish man.

MayaPinion · 14/09/2024 22:03

You’re more a convenient servant to him than a partner. Bet you tidy up and stock his fridge up when you come over too. Know your worth. This is a low quality man and he’s not worthy of your time, money, or attention.

cartagenagina · 14/09/2024 22:10

He’s taking the piss.

Bin and Block.

Opentooffers · 14/09/2024 22:10

He just sits back while you put in the effort, it's easy for him. If he really cared he'd strive to meet you half way. He cares more about himself and his ex. You are far from selfish and have been propping this relationship up by doing too much. Never put more in than you get back, have that as a mantra in your head for the future.

BCBird · 09/01/2025 09:42

Hebis benefitting but you are not. Know uour worth OP. Be single

Pumpkinpie1 · 09/01/2025 09:47

Hoping OP you are enjoying life without that awful man

2025GB · 09/01/2025 09:47

No idea what you are doing with him. Stop it now!

2025GB · 09/01/2025 09:48

Oh it’s from September. Hope it’s over anyway.

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