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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feel overly punished by partner

2 replies

Beccibops · 14/09/2024 18:30

I’ve been with my partner 9 months. My previous relationship was really awful as my ex was controlling and physically and sexually abusive. I have been trying to work through this and thought my current partner was supportive and understanding that this was my experiences. We were friends for a really long time before we became closer and he was really aware of my past experiences

I also have ocd and just found out I have pmdd and once a month I feel incredibly fragile and I’m only just realising why that is. It definitely heightens traumas that I’m currently trying to work on

last weekend was incredibly stressful for a lot of reasons and I got incredibly emotional and unwell. I was feeling really insecure and voicing this to my partner and at one point I walked out as I was feeling really unsafe around him which I know was irrational. I ended up going to a&e that evening because I wanted some mental health support.

since then my partner has been ignoring me quite a lot. He gets defensive when I try talk to him about what happened and he seems to be judging me on this one particular event. He’s known me for 10 years and dated me for 9 months and I’m normally a happy, fun person to be around. I feel so rejected and I have apologised so much to him.

what’s worse is that he communicates how difficult it is to be around me yet he keeps talking about going into a new career in mental health as he’s been inspired by the people that talked to me at the hospital. I know that he currently doesn’t have a proper job but It just feels like such a weird thing to say considering he can’t even talk to me or support me right now.

due to the situation with my ex partner I’m currently homeless too which I why I’m currently staying with my current partner. After the situation last Friday he has now said I can’t stay with him anymore as his mum says I can’t stay there (His mum owns the flat that he lives in). It all just seems so disproportionate to what happened. I feel so overly punished and lonely

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 14/09/2024 18:34

Any punishment is wrong. He's not your boss. Find somewhere else to live and end this non relationship.

I think you'll find your mental health improves massively.

Cm19841 · 15/09/2024 19:50

Prioritize yourself OP. Any issue with your partner is not the issue you need to focus on in this moment.

It is better for you that you get help and support for whatever was and is the trigger for what happened that led you to A&E.

Are you financially secure and able to provide yourself a quiet, stable home environment? This is priority. Reach out to family and friends and get mental health support. Do not rely on your partner because he has not demonstrated he has capacity. You must not confuse this as a relationship issue and then not make you the priority. Forget about him and call your GP tomorrow.

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