Why are people like this

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At a large family gathering over a number of days, the kind you have to see lots of people continually. I am recently divorced from a cheating abusive ex. Cheating spanned at least five women and ended with a workplace affair with at least two married women. Ex since has continued to step over any small boundary I may set like don’t stare in my windows! I know.
What is really falling though - is relative saying isn’t a shame that you and so and so divorced like it was just something that happened to both of us, so innocently and without any malice. I just politely nod and feel I have to keep a ‘dignified silence’. Not sure how many times I have been told well at least you have your dignity. Okay, yes, but I still have to listen to abusive men apologists. If it makes any difference we were married with young children.

I wouldn’t feel the need to just nod along tbh. I’d say “no, not really a shame at all, he wasn’t very nice”!

But then I wouldn’t be keeping my ‘dignity’ - the way women are treated and men’s horrid behaviour is accepted is honestly heartbreaking

Or dread I appear ‘bitter’!

‘On the contrary, a lucky escape really’. That’s perfectly dignified and implies all sorts. They can draw their own conclusions.

People generally mean well. Perhaps they don’t know the ins and outs of your divorce and are trying to show empathy in a rather tactless way.

Bugger dignity. The trick is to be confident, assured, smiling and stick the boot in anyway. "Shame he wasn't a better man" <big smile>

You don't have to lie, or be the little docile woman.