I'm new to Mumsnet and don't really have anyone I can really talk to about what's going on in my life at the moment.
I am a F married to my husband for 14 years. We have 3 kids and over the past few years the relationship has been really deteriorating. My husband is not able to effectively communicate and we do not have real connection in our marriage. He is not addressing it and in one way seems oblivious to the problems we are having but it is clear in his reactions that he is stressed/unhappy/possibly depressed by it.
On the outside he would appear to be the most easy going even tempered man, but he has been losing his temper quite a bit and completely overreacting to everyday life stressors. Our teen for example, he'll completely loose it with her over small things and it is affecting their relationship.
I have been seriously considering divorce because our unhappy relationship is definitely affecting our kids. But I just cannot afford to, I would risk being homeless, so it's not something that can happen just yet.
Sometimes I think I am expecting too much or a perfect relationship, but then my gut is telling something here is just not right and life is too short to live so unhappily.
Today he completely lost it with the dog, he was trying to remove a tick and she kept turning her head getting in his way. He shouted at her first really angrily, then when she did it again he hit her quite hard. Our 12 year old saw it happen and started to cry which upset me. I said to him he had upsetted the child and it was clear by my voice that he had upsetted me. He didn't say anything and afterwards never apologised to the child or mentioned it. I think it's very important to talk to children after they have been upset, especially if you have caused it. And this child is very kind and gentle and hates to see any animal mistreated or hurt. They are the type that worries about horses in fields when a storm is announced.
I don't know why I'm posting this other than in real life I can't speak to anyone about this and everyone would think that he's the quiet one and I'm the one that "wears the pants" as I am quite opinionated.
But if we weren't married I wouldn't marry him today and if we weren't tied financially so much or if I lived near my parents, I'd leave today. I just feel empty if I'm honest and I can't verbalise what's wrong, I just know something is.