Liking other women's social media pics

[Paddypump]

Hi, I am not a huge social media user. I recently went on to find something and a women came up on my suggested friends list. Her profile pic was very provocative and sexy. For some reason I clicked on it to see what our connection was. I noticed straight away that my boyfriend of 6 months had been one of the people to like/ heart this pic, and other selfie ones, when I had a brief look at her profile. She is from the same place as him so I assume they know each other. Even though my bf and I are friends on fb, his friends list isn't available.

I'm confused as to how I feel about this. Immediately, I was very shocked. I didn't think he would be the type to be openly disrespectful to me by, what I have read these this as, as flirting. I have tried to speak to him about this today. I would say I'm not a jealous person. He ( and I) would often comment if an attractive woman was on TV or in real life, it's not ever been an issue about that. I felt bad that it's a bit intrusive, seeing these things online. I don't feel comfortable coming to him and 'confronting' about this as it feels embarrassing to me somehow.

I've been thinking alot about it today, and maybe there's an underlying issue. I did tell him quite quickly into the relationship, that I felt love for him. He didnt say it back, as he said it takes him much longer to say that. It was difficult to take at the time, but i did respect him and felt i havent put any pressure on. He shows me how much he cares and ive tried to think of that when i struggle with the n
absence of the L bomb.
We met 6 months ago and have spent a lot of time together, very little nights apart and there's talk of moving in officially. I think this has triggered an insecurity in me, that maybe he's just keeping his options open. His actions normally don't reflect this though. He had tried to start to explain this woman to me this morning, but I shut it down as I was too triggered by it all still. I'm annoyed now that I didn't allow him to explain, as I wouldn't be worrying so much now and feeling the way I do.

Sorry this is long, didn't want a drip feed. I'm trying to pluck up the courage to have an adult conversation about this...I just always have a hard time expressing ugly feelings and part of me what's to bow out of the whole thing!
Any advice is welcome, thanks for reading:)

OP, l think you have a right to be upset, l wouldn't put up with my partner liking pics of other women, especially obviously sexualised ones. Also it's concerning that he has yet to say he loves you and yet seems to be steadily moving himself into your place. Is he contributing to the bills, food etc by the way or is it all down to you?
Definitely firm up your boundaries as it's making you feel anxious and insecure. I would be putting a stop to him virtually living with you ( with all the advantages that entails ) and getting the full story of his past relationship with this woman, be brave and have the conversation.

Thank you for your kindness and practical help @Seaoftroubles.
I spoke to him tonight. The mood had been awkward and I'm glad I got it all out to him. I said how I felt it was disrespectful to show someone that you are interested, when in a relationship with me. I said underneath it is a worry I've been burying that he is only really with me as it's convenient/ comfortable, and as I'm aware he doesn't love me. I'm worrying he is keeping his options open.
He hasn't addressed much. Said how he doesn't feel deserving of my reactions. Said that things have been going fine, then all of a sudden I make a big deal of things out of no- where. I didn't give the exact name or exact details of the woman and pictures that I saw he'd hearted. Not sure why. But I did explain that we have different ways of dealing with difficult things, I want time on my own to process, he wants to talk and sort it out quickly. He agreed. I said I would always be someone who needed space often. I said i wanted to slow things down, go back to dating. He hugged me then went and sat on the sofa and put a series on..I'm currently in another room.

When I asked if he understood that liking sexualised photos of women he knows is disrespectful. He said he's not sure what I saw or what the details are, but that he does have friends that he shows support for. I have a feeling he knows I'm referring to pole dancing woman, but won't say either.

He doesn't contribute to bills as he still has his own place too..he sometimes contributes to food.

Said that things have been going fine, then all of a sudden I make a big deal of things out of no- where.

Hmm, it's not out of nowhere 'though. It's been fine from his point of view because you've been shutting up about what you want/need.

I think it's a bit odd that he'd go watch tv after you said you wanted to go back to dating - if someone told me that, I'd go back to my own place that night.

I'm glad I'm not the only one @category12

Think he needs handing a bag and his car keys and telling you'll see him next week, or something.

Basically acting like he lives there, when it's only been 6 months together.

Yes, I'm in the spare room now. Tomorrow it will be a send off early morning. Lesson learned.

So he's turning it round on you and making out you are making a big deal of things 'out of nowhere?' I'm sorry but you had a valid concern and he's brushed it under the carpet. I'd be direct and call him out on pole dancing woman. He knows full well he wasn't just giving support to 'friends'.
He has also minimised your concerns when you mentioned going back to dating and has settled himself down to watch tv, for him it's subject closed and you've over reacted! To me this tells you how your future might look with him. He will just do as he likes and ride roughshod over your feelings, whilst trying to make your views look petty and insignificant.

And this is some of the niggles i had. It's been a short relationship, and not all bad..but something about him bulldozing over my feelings. He does it so calmly too, like that's the difference. I did get s glimpse into the future and I'd rather be alone than live subtly trampled over. Thank you for backing up my inner feelings!

When they're calm but obtusely ignoring what you're saying as if it doesn’t matter or you "overreacting", it is pretty undermining and invalidating. Makes you doubt yourself, but it's very disrespectful.

When he realises you're serious about him going back to his place, he may up the ante emotionally, but I would stick to your guns. He needs to go home, actually give you the space you asked for before.

Yes, that calm indifference about your feelings is definitely a concern. I'm glad you are going to give him an early send off, it will give you space to decide if this relationship is worth continuing with. I agree, better to be alone than to feel under mined and to have your feelings dismissed and minimised.