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Sexless and mismatched sleeping

13 replies

Cherryxbananas · 14/09/2024 05:40

I have been with my partner 4 and a half years. We don't live together. He's 14 years older with a bad back which has stopped him working for the last year. He's always been in and out of work but his job paid well when he was in it.

Sex has always been strange. For the first 3 months we were always having sex. Then it die down to nothing. At the time I was very anxious and frustrated as we had been so passionate and he was always very flirtatious and made it sound like sex would be amazing.

For about a year I tried so hard to get him to come onto me. I brought the subject up so many times and it was awkward and usually ended on me feeling guilty.

Last year for 8 months he was always wanted me and it went to almost 4 or 5 times a week. We got creative and found ways and he always initiated it. Then he got sacked and hasn't worked since. Overnight it has stopped again. It's once a month if that something may happen.

He is constantly trying new tablets that he never takes properly. He sleeps sleeps sleeps.

I am working. He comes up when I finish. Usually tells me how tired his is. He gets laid on my sofa and he nods off. Or we are in bed for 8pm.
I'm 35 and I'm really starting to feel down. Maybe a mild depression going on. I feel so frustrated and bored.
What can I do about it?

OP posts:
GuestFeatu · 14/09/2024 05:42

What can you do? Not much. Accept it or leave really. It sounds dire.

Cherryxbananas · 14/09/2024 06:04

I think that's why I'm feeling down. It's not really who I am. But I feel he's limiting my life and its not enough for me anymore. I'm not a shallow person. There's plenty of ways to add intimacy into your relationship without having to do the full works. He used to give me foot massages etc because he liked to. I had to get used to letting him touch my feet. But now he won't go near me. Sometimes when he's nodded of at 6.45 on the sofa I just think that's that then. Then he sleeps all day while I'm up working.

OP posts:
Kelly51 · 14/09/2024 06:16

You don't live together, very easy to end things. You're only 34, get rid of this waste of space.

stayathomer · 14/09/2024 06:20

It sounds like it’s linked only to when he feels good. The back thing sounds tough (mid 40s here who’s gotten a land lately at everything starting to go!!!) but you deserve to be happy too. Talk about it with him, tell him you’re only 34 and you need a normal relationship with dates and fun and sex and see what he says. Best of luck op x

gamerchick · 14/09/2024 06:29

You don't live together. Send him home and tell him it's no longer working for you. Wish him well and move on with your life. This is what its like now. What will it be like in 10 years

Goldbar · 14/09/2024 06:44

I mean this kindly, but why are you staying in this relationship? It doesn't sound all that fulfilling.

MaxTalk · 14/09/2024 07:05

Some people make al the excuses under the sun. Back, depression, out of work etc.

Kick him out and get on with life. Life is too short to be around dull, boring and depressing people.

RaininSummer · 14/09/2024 07:50

Sounds like this relationship is done. You are far too young for a life like this with 8pm bedtimes and a middle aged man with issues.

Tiredofthewhirring · 14/09/2024 08:00

What's the point of him?

Cherryxbananas · 14/09/2024 21:31

Ughh he came round tonight. I said to him this morning having no sex life is getting me down. He was ready for bed at half 8. He went to bed at 9.10. I have Come back through and poured myself a drink. Feel so mugged off again.

Don't know the point. He has no desire for me. Says its his depression and pain. Feels like it's a me problem though.
I need to end it. I just feel so terrible and shallow. But sex is important to me st leat once a week to keep the closeness.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/09/2024 21:38

And you are with this man at all because....

What is in this relationship for you exactly?. What happened to you to at all accept this crap relationship as your lot in life?. You have a choice re this man after all.

FeedingThem · 14/09/2024 21:39

Cherryxbananas · 14/09/2024 21:31

Ughh he came round tonight. I said to him this morning having no sex life is getting me down. He was ready for bed at half 8. He went to bed at 9.10. I have Come back through and poured myself a drink. Feel so mugged off again.

Don't know the point. He has no desire for me. Says its his depression and pain. Feels like it's a me problem though.
I need to end it. I just feel so terrible and shallow. But sex is important to me st leat once a week to keep the closeness.

It's not just sex. There's no intimacy of any sort. There's no time for connection. There's no talk. There's no relationship.

Opentooffers · 14/09/2024 21:45

For someone who doesn't live with you, it sounds like he's round at your place a lot, and to just take up residence on your sofa until a 9pm bedtime.
Become a bit busy for more evenings/ weekends. In fact go out with your friends more, you should be enjoying life at your age. Does he just sit there while you provide food for him, then sit more while you clean up? If that's the evening routine, you've been a mug unfortunately.

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