Just found out boyfriend has been lying and cheating

[needahandholdpls]

I know this is a tale as old as time... I just need a handhold in these early hours of the morning.

Met a guy about 18 months ago. He had a bit of a reputation as a womaniser, so it was casual to begin with but earlier this year he was adamant he wanted to be in a committed exclusive relationship with me so we have given it ago.

Against my better judgement I have ignored some "red flags" because I am divorced following infidelity on my exDH part and I thought possibly I was being paranoid.

There was one woman in particular who I had issues about because I knew they had been on and off for some time, he assured me it was all done and that he would block her so they would be in no further contact. The corker is, I work with this woman and she herself is in a long term relationship, and something never added up about how things were left between the two of them despite him assuring me he had no feelings etc.

Anyway this week we had booked break away pre Christmas and have been making various plans up until the new year. Tonight we had a lovely dinner, cooked him at his home.

He fell asleep... and I know it was wrong but I looked at his phone. Turns out he has still been in contact with this woman, in fact she was with him and his children just a couple of days ago. He's also been messaging another woman who he works with,

I woke him up, he was dazed and confused, I told him he was a scumbag and to look at his phone to see why, and left his house.

I'm home now, I just feel so sad, stupid and numb. Why did I let this happen to me again? Why did he think so little of me to lie and disrespect me in such a way? We have met each others children and I really started to believe that maybe we were developing into something real.

I've blocked him, there's nothing he can possibly say to excuse this, I just feel so sad and stupid.

@Whowhstwhenwhyhow I think whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, we see the mask slipping early, but if you're anything like me, our empathy means we think we can love people enough for them to change into the best version of themselves.

We are so much better without. But it doesn't help knowing that, because it still hurts. I have moments of elation and hope followed by moments of despair and anger... I know it will improve, but it's not easy right now.

I read your original post and despite the normal driving yourself crazy with rethinking and going over past events ( which is very normal in these situations) you’ve done so well and been so strong. It would have been easy to buy his bullshit to “salvage” your relationship but you’ve chosen the path of pain for now however this will lead you to great happiness in time. You won’t have to look over your shoulder and you will in time be able to find a good man. Well done, I’m proud of you! X

@AnonAnonmystery Thankyou, that's very kind of you to say. I am hopeful that whatever my future looks like, it won't be with someone who treats me the way he did.