Left my abuser what now :(

[noideas81]

Was with my partner 3 years I'm 25 weeks pregnant with our son. Both have our own houses. Which was temporary for now but thank god I've got my house still.

In the beginning... he was incredible. Loving, supportive, attentive, generous you name in. My family loved him. I honestly thought I'd found my forever.

Anyway 3 years on he's a different person. Monster. I feel so numb. Empty. Obviously it's happened slowly over time and got worse.
When he met me I was everything he ever wished for.
Now, I'm a loser, I bring no value to his life, I'm ugly, I'll never give our son a lavish life, he's said our son is a bastard & a curse. You name it. He's told me he deserves much better than me. He's called me a cunt a wanker you name it. Over hardly nothing.
If I had a little cry he'd tell me I'm too needy.

He'll do all this, then send sorry gifts in the post. Because I don't respond or take the bait he emails me abuse. (I've changed my number)
I can't block emails they just go to spam but it's ok I'm keeping emails for future evidence I need.

I feel peaceful in a weird way. But I also sit & cry?
When I feel I miss the nice side of him, I sit & read all his awful messages and I'm in total shock what I've been through with him. At the time it didn't seem as bad as it does now.

I'm just trying to get my head in the fact we won't be a family now... we won't have beautiful birth photos together. All those little things. I feel like the fairytales been snatched. I don't know why he'd want to tear me down whilst growing his son.

I don't know what to think or feel I really don't. Has anyone been through this :(
Baby due at Xmas. Xxx

Have you considered contacting the police?

Well you're a fucking legend! Well done! That takes strength, real strength

You've done the hardest part.

Don't get sucked back in, you will give your son everything he needs it doesn't have to be lavish and risk raising a spoilt entitled brat!

Police may not be a bad option if your worried about your safety and or want to report the abuse which is exactly what you should do but I can understand right now that might feel like too much to handle

You have done your first task as a mother and put your child first before he's even here. Just shows that your going to be a great mother

You're not the first or the last woman to be with a man who was wonderful and then changes. Have a look online about abuse during pregnancy apparently abusive behaviour from me. either starts or really ramps up during pregnancy.

It's normal and you've been through trauma. You're bound to miss him and have regrets.

I recommend contacting your local domestic abuse organisation and asking about counselling, I also recommend the Freedom Programme to learn about healthy relationships.

Phone Gingerbread regarding any questions you have about custody, living separately and benefits.

Well done fir escaping him. You deserve better than that prick

After a while you may miss him. We don't stop loving someone overnight. We grieve for what could have been. We start doubting our choices.

Write yourself a message and tell your future self not to go back and why not. Remind yourself if everything. Keep it safe in your phone or whatever just in case you start to forget how bad he was or start thinking better the devil you know.

Start looking forward to being happy again, because you will be. You've done the right thing.

@noideas81 I just wanted to post and tell you how strong and inspiring you are. It's never easy to walk away from someone you loved and even harder when a child is involved but for yours and your sons wellbeing you have done the right thing.

When you hold that sweet boy in your arms, you will feel a love like no other, you can do this!
Family photos of you and your son making happy solid memories will be 10 times better than having someone else next to you who doesnt value you or treat you well.
that love from your boy will be the strength to keep you going.

You have got this!

You should be extremely proud of yourself for leaving him. That takes real strength. Him calling you names and making you feel worthless is designed to tear you down so you don’t have the strength or self confidence to leave him.

Please ensure you are safe, especially if he know where you are living. The first 18 months after leaving an abuse are the most dangerous. Also, being pregnant is a dangerous time.

Please get the beautiful birth photos of you and your baby. It sounds like this is very important to you. You deserve them and so does your baby.

Take care and reach out to friends and family for in person support.

Wow you have been through so much yet you found the strength to leave, that takes so much courage. It won't feel like it now but your life will get better because you did this. Tell your family the truth about him, and have a lovely Christmas with your beautiful baby.

Ah OP, I've been through it too. My ex started being abusive once the baby was born and I walked out too. It is hard but well done for protecting your little boy. Whatever life you give him, it will be 100% better than allowing him to be brought up in a home where abuse is going on.

I also sometimes grieve for a phantom future that in reality could never have existed. I look at mums and dads doing activities together with their little ones and think we could have had that. The reality is that no we bloody well couldn't have it because he didn't ever do anything with me or with our baby. He was too lazy and selfish.

Keeping his abusive messages is a good move by you - it helps you remember the reality but also keep them if he ever tries to get joint custody when the baby is born. Try to avoid him getting parental responsibility by registering the birth yourself.

Trust me, you will have many beautiful memories with your child in the future. My child is the greatest source of joy in my life and I am free to raise him without the abuse. Plan for your child and look forward to the life you will have. Best wishes for the future OP.

Op, you are in the eye of the storm, but when things calm down you will notice that by walking away you have allowed yourself and your child a better life and a better future. There are so many women that have miserable lives because they couldn’t find the strength to walk away from abusive relationships.

Walking this journey on your own will be the most empowering experience of your life. I cannot say that it is easy raising a child on your own, but it is much easier than raising your child on your own while having to care for and put up with a nasty man to your side.

The love that you feel for that baby will keep you strong, guide you and get you to rebuild your life. The situation you are currently in is not permanent, once the shock and the trauma wears off, you will see how wonderful life can be.

ps. And don’t for a minute think that you will be alone or that all men are the same, you will have a lot of people supporting you through this journey, from friends and family to the many other single mums you will meet at the park or the school doors. But you can still have the family you dream of, you allowed that possibility by walking away from this abusive man, but wait to find him until you feel strong, happy and with no need to have a man to your side, that’s when you get to attract the best men (and are discerning enough to identify red flags to avoid the nasty ones!) .

Thankyou so much everyone your words really really help me more than you know xxx

You are amazing! I wish my mum had left my physically and emotionally abusive stepdad. If she had, I wouldn't have gone through so much trauma, that left je messed up fir a long time.

You have protected your baby from this. This is what being a good mother is. You should be proud of yourself and from now on surround yourself with people who are kind and loving.

Do you have family and friends you can turn to?

i don’t know you but I wanted to reach out and say you will find your fairytale. Slightly different path but the absolute right road to travel for you and your baby. You will find an extra gear from somewhere you never knew existed. It’s been hidden 💛. Also friendships and help will spring from unexpected places. Sending calm.

Are you OK, OP?

Police
Keep him off birth certificate

You are a family. You and your baby are a lovely little family. With him, that was not a family. That was a prison. A family is about love. You need to get the idea out of your head that a family has to include the father or it's not a real family. It's early days, so you will come to realize this in time.
Let go of the dreams of a fairytale Hallmark movie ending. This is the hand you've been dealt. Your first priority is to stay safe, for your own sake and the sake of your little one.
Please do not consider going back to him, no matter how lonely you are.

Hi I'm ok Thankyou for checking in on me. You are all correct and you all have given me good advice I appreciate it. I will never go back I promise. I think what I was struggling with the most is that because I've left and changed my number etc, he send emails calling me the abuser and making me question myself. I don't know how I can be the abuser if it's me that's escaped and cut it all off. Me who cries me with all the evidence of abuse. But Thankyou you all help me lots xxxxx