Break up

[daisy98765]

I don't know why I'm posting other than I have nobody to talk to in real life.

Broke up with long term partner. No kids or anything and we've struggled for a while but I'm beyond devastated.
I'm heartbroken thinking of the memories and things we shared, and grieving the future. I'm in a really really dark place and I don't know what to do.
I've had breakups before but not anywhere close to the same kind of relationship and I'm so lost and lonely and don't know how I'm going to get through it

I’m sorry OP, break ups are really hard. I would really recommend doing things that make you happy, whether that is a walk in the fresh air or a movie marathon with a takeaway. Anything to keep your mind distracted in the short term, is there anyone in your life you could speak to in person or lean on for support? You will get through this, one day at a time, focus on you, reach out to any friends or try to make some new ones, and if you are struggling you can call Samaritans or something similar locally for some more IRL support. Look after yourself x

Oh you poor thing. It's horrible, isn't it?

What are you doing right now? Are you still both in the same home?

Thank you both. No we aren't in the same home but it's horrible.
I was off anyway today so it's just dragged in. I just want to see him. Went out for a drive to take my mind off not messaging (we had been a bit) and it's driving me crazy.
He's not the type to be off with someone else but it's killing me that he's not replying.
I'm so so broken and I think he's doing ok which makes it worse

The only person is my dad and I don't feel like I can start talking about it as I'm so upset it'll be a blubbering mess

We never got round to saving for a house so just spent our time between each others , just to add as I know it seems strange saying long term but no house/ kids

Sorry you’re going through this OP. Am sure your dad will understand that you’re upset. My dad was an amazing when my ExH left.

When I broke up with my ex husband I was really nervous about telling my dad as he’s someone I really look up to and it was an extra layer of sadness on top of everything else to think I had let him down or disappointed him by having a marriage fail. So my mum told him. And he was awesome, so awesome that we even laugh about it now. Please lean on the people you love and who love you, they have such capacity to wrap you up in care and make things a bit better.

I am sorry you are going through it, sadly grief is a journey and there is no quick fix. You are allowed to feel any way that you want, but you do have to go through it, there is no way around it. I totally recognise where you are and how you are feeling, it was me five years ago. Today I have a job I love, a little home that I love and although I don’t have a partner to love, I think that I’ve dealt enough with my pain and worked through the sadness to be able to open to love and trust again without any baggage or residual misery. So much so that there’s actually someone I fancy which is unusual for me as it took quite a while for me to even think about having someone else in my life again. The downside is he works for an organisation affiliated with my organisation, so not sure if I should pursue it, but regardless, the moment I knew I liked him was the moment I realised that I’d shaken off those feelings of grief for good.

Be so, so nice to yourself. Everything you are feeling is natural and valid. You will come out the other side and life will be good again, the hardest part is not knowing how long it will take. Thinking of you and sending you good thoughts.

I know everything I feel is normal, as pp mentioned it's how long will it be like this?!

I messaged a woman I used to work with as we chat about silly stuff and just thought- you always hear people say if you're in a dark place to reach out, and she's had a break up for different reasons recently and I know if I need her she will help

Thank you for everyone's kind words- it means a lot to me as I KNOW I'm not the first or last person this will happen to, but at the moment I can't see past my own hurt and having words of wisdom and encouragement is great.