Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

To have had enough of DP constant low moods

12 replies

Clotheshorsewhisperer · 13/09/2024 17:38

Been with DP nearly a decade. Have 2 children together, he's always had some form of depression/mental health difficulty but is getting worse and worse as time goes by. He refuses to take antidepressants, he keeps lying to the doctors etc saying he's still on them but he isn't so they keep upping the dosage but he hasn't been taking them at the original dosage. He gets worse when he runs out of money, he found out yesterday that he most likely has Autism and because Depression is part and parcel of that then there's no point trying to treat it. I'm getting more and more overwhelmed and quite frankly bored of hearing the same 'woe Is me crap' because he does NOTHING to try and help himself. I've supported him for the last decade nearly, begged and pleaded with him to get help, take his medication. I'm fed up of feeling like we can't be happy because he hates living and he hates the world and everything and everyone in it, he hates himself, etc etc.
I just need to vent because I'm overwhelmed and I'm angry about the double standards when he says things vs when I say things.

OP posts:
GreekDogRescue · 13/09/2024 17:40

Time to leave? Doesn’t seem that he even wants to feel better, it’s become his identity.

MounjaroUser · 13/09/2024 17:42

It becomes impossible when someone won't help themselves. I found myself at breaking point when my X didn't take his meds properly. Better not to take them at all than do it on and off, but so bloody frustrating when they don't take them at all, too.

You would have a far more peaceful life on your own, OP. You've probably forgotten what that feels like. I felt like I was on holiday when he left.

Wwyd2025 · 13/09/2024 17:43

Depression isn't part of the autism parcel at all...

Clotheshorsewhisperer · 13/09/2024 17:54

Wwyd2025 · 13/09/2024 17:43

Depression isn't part of the autism parcel at all...

His psych said It was. He hasn't been diagnosed with Autism, the pysch has said that in their professional opinion it's 90% likely to be Autism and that the depression and all his moods and stuff he's feeling about everything is part and parcel of Autism.

OP posts:
Daleksatemyshed · 13/09/2024 17:55

What a waste of NHS's money to accept the drugs but refuse to take them. Time for some straight talking Op, he takes the medication or he needs to fend for himself. I'm not unsympathetic to anyone with a problem but people do need to help themselves

MillicentMama · 13/09/2024 18:29

Don’t let him ruin your DCs’ lives. You can make a choice to stay with him, they can’t!! He sounds like a miserable arse. Fuck the reason why… leave and be happy. You would feel instantly lighter without this fun sponge.

category12 · 13/09/2024 18:37

Maybe it's got to the point where you're actually enabling him?

If he's unwilling to do the work to help himself, at a certain stage you have to look after your own wellbeing first.

AmandaHoldensLips · 13/09/2024 18:44

You know you deserve better than this, right? Let him go and be miserable on his own.

cartwheelsandhandstands · 13/09/2024 18:49

I’m so sorry that sounds really hard.

OP I just wanted to say - you deserve to be happy and to have a good life. From what you have said, you’ve stood by him, supported him, tried to give him advice and guidance for TEN years. That’s ten years of YOUR life.

In your shoes I would most likely make the difficult decision to move on and make a new life for myself.

We only get one shot at this. Don’t look back and wish you had done things differently.

He isn’t trying, he is making no effort to get better.

Saturdayblurs · 13/09/2024 18:57

Depression is not an inherent aspect of ASD, but the risk of developing depression is higher than the general population. It can be treated. Medication, therapy, lifestyle changes, all can be tailored to manage depression for people with ASD.

pointythings · 13/09/2024 20:48

As someone with autism he is at higher risk of depression, but that does not mean there is nothing he can do to have the best possible quality of life. And that does mean taking medication, or at least trying. My DS is 21, autistic, has depression and EDS and is stable on medication. He's at university, is a published poet, has a good circle of friends and is living his best life. It's tough at times but he works hard to be well. Your DP has no excuse for not trying - especially since he is a parent.

SpanielPaws · 13/09/2024 20:51

Whether he's autistic or not, he's making you unhappy. And it's only getting worse.

I would cut my losses. You have more than tried to make it work.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page