Hello
This is a rather interesting one, as its something that brings up a lot of past trauma with my parents, both being emotionally distant and more logical and practical which resulted in my feeling quite abandoned emotionally by them.
Since being in relationships, if someone is not making me feel, shall we say, emotionally happy or aware, I can withdraw and be quite cold but still present just not as happy/engaging or vulnerable.
I am currently struggling like this with my partner. I am definitely the more emotional and empathic and he is your typical alpha male who is very black and white and logical (I guess like my parents) but is kind and caring towards me. Its just, how can I say, we are out of sync when it comes to emotional needs which then results in me not wanting to be around him physically or being close. Im trying to speak to a therapist about this as it stems from my mum and dad and Im still kind of working on this and working on myself too. I do feel a lot calmer but I am still getting triggers by him.
Our attraction is amazing and we are very much in love with one another, which is lovely as he treats me well, we go away a lot too.... but I am struggling here to get close at times as I then withdraw as the distance I get with him at times triggers something in me and he seems to not have the empathy/emotional awareness. Maybe I cant expect too much and get this elsewhere as in friendships and in my own happiness. Plus also sexually I want it more/all the time when I see him but its weird its like we cant quite get in sync, for me again its this emotional closeness. However our physical attraction so high when together.
Im worried I am more emotionally dependent on him and he isnt, he admits he would never go to see someone ie a therapist and says he cant imagine thats a manly thing to do or cry, for me I admire someone who reaches out and sees someone or shows emotion. (I guess a lot of men dont see this as a good thing) So I think for me our emotional needs are very different, but our love for one another is strong, as he treats me well otherwise if this makes sense.
Does anyone have any suggestions how to raise this or is this, do you think something I need to work on alone maybe? I hate feeling anxious which I do and he has such a strong attractive authority hold on me, but in a protective way weirdly like a father figure but emotionally missing. We never argue its just I have these times of being distant and not too sure what to say to him. I just struggle with opening up for fear of looking needy/dependent and rejection. I wish I could just be myself....!!