i would love a handhold and some practical advice. Yesterday my H shouted at me about how I’m unreasonable, go over the past too much, rake up filth, am inflexible, won’t make one small adjustment etc. I’d been out on a very rare evening on my own and had a lovely time supporting a friend at a launch event.
He has lost it like this with me before, but today I have a huge urge to leave, to say enough, to put an end to being demeaned and belittled and made to feel less than a person.
I don’t want to drip feed, I can’t really think clearly and feel a bit stunned, but I know I want to leave.
I think the important bit are we are a blended family with DC of our own, adult DC who are his and a DC who is mine but who he has brought up. He is loved by all the DC, but the love I had for him has been eroded by years of being put down, told my emotions are unhelpful, told I’m autistic (I’m not ND, it is used by H as a slur), told I’m a Nazi (I have German heritage, I’m definitely not a Nazi) and today I physically feel I cannot take any more of it. It sounds strange but it feels like a very bodily reaction of “no more”.
He has never been violent but will do things like stare me out or ignore me if I express how I feel. I find this intimidating
There’s no sex and no emotional intimacy really either.
I have decided to end this. I’m not sure what to do next in practical terms. I’m the higher earner. I’d like him to leave and have asked him to please leave in the past, but he becomes verbally aggressive and shouts about how this is his home and I’m going for the nuclear response needlessly. I’m scared about how it will affect the DC but also know that living like this will affect them too. I feel sad, and often very lonely.